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Editor's
Note:
We're
starting off 2009 with some great articles from The Guys
or as I call them - The Three Amigos. All three
of them have written some really useful things for us to learn
about. Alex is writing more about our uniqueness, David also
gives us some interesting insights into ourselves, and Tom has
some new energy medicine techniques for us to try. Unfortunately
we don't have an article by Rehana Webster because she's busy
packing and getting organized for her move to Australia in February.
We'll let you know once she's settled there. I've jotted down
some thoughts on the Law of Attraction that I'm sure some will
find not to their liking, but I thought since it's a new year
I'd get on my soapbox early. 
Enjoy!
You
are Unique - Continued.
by Dr. Alexander R. Lees
Seeing as
how it's the start of a new year, some of you may be considering
making a few changes in your life. The following may provide
a useful framework for you to consider when starting to make
those changes. My hope is that you have some fun with the following
and I'd love to hear how you made out. My outcome in writing
about this "stuff" is to engage you. To have you try what I
suggest and give me feedback so I can fine tune what I write
about and make it unique for you. Let's get to it!
In the
first article I wrote regarding our uniqueness, (September 2008
edition of Reflections) I mentioned there were three major components
that contribute to its structure. They are:
- An individual's
take or translation of any event.
- The
environment they experienced, and are experiencing.
- Genetics.
We then
"fleshed out" this skeleton in the second article (November
2008 edition). For those of you that may have missed the Sept.
and Nov. editions you can read
them here.
Upcoming
Workshops
To
view details of our workshops click
here
EFT - The Fundamentals
(Used to be Level 1)
January 31, 2009
EFT
– Intermediate Level
(Used to be Level 2)
Feb. 16 & 17, 2009
EFT – Advanced Level
(Used to be Level 3)
March 28 & 29, 2009
EFT
Practitioner
NEW Workshop
May 23 & 24, 2009
For details on our
Certified Practitioner
Program click
here
***NLP
Workshops***
in 2009
Details will be posted on our website in January
2009
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In this
article we will delve a little more into the use of meaning
boxes, and will do so primarily because of the thoughtful,
and much appreciated feedback generated by the first two articles.
In order
to do this right, I'll need to start with a specific set of
meaning boxes (oops, we're supposed to sound educated,
so let's call them perceptive filters). During our very
young years - the formative years - we are introduced by "She
who has eyes in the back of her head" that we just did something
classified as good. We are also introduced to the fact
we just did something bad. So the first perceptive
filter that begins to form is:
Good
and Bad behaviour. This filter is also known as Right
and Wrong and thereafter, various actions, behaviours,
etc., slowly (especially for little boys) become attached
or classified as good or bad, right or wrong.
As we continue
to add more brain cells to the mix, that is as we become more
sophisticated, so does the filter. After all, if someone has
done a bad or wrong behaviour, then we are judged old enough
to accept responsibility and consequences, so the next filter
up (in this category) becomes:
Blame
and Fault. It's when this filter is introduced that
it's useful to have siblings. Poor Berit - raised as an only
child, she couldn't blink her big brown eyes, point and say,
"She/he did it!"
The last
filter within this category, for some reason, isn't necessarily
introduced in every family, but it none the less is the one
I like the most:
Useful
or Not.
Just to
recap, the three filters that influence all other filters that
will come into being are:
#1 -
Right and Wrong (also known as Good and Bad).
#2 -
Blame and Fault.
#3 -
Useful or Not.
It is this
last filter that I encourage you to consider adopting, if you
haven't done so already, as it can be very influential in reorganizing
#1 and #2, and can and will, fine tune all the filters to come.
We will delve into the other filters that develop in the months
to come, but I felt it important to get you thinking about these
three first. After all, they do and will influence the construction
of all the rest.
Meanwhile,
why not generate a little mental exercise for yourself? To get
you started, try the following. Think about a behaviour or action
- even a reaction you had to some circumstance, situation or
event. Once you have done so ask yourself a question:
Was
that reaction, behaviour, action or attitude useful, or not?
This little
effort will begin to help you separate behaviour (attitude,
etc.) from the outcome wanted, that is, the hoped for intent
or change. If your response got the reaction, and consequently,
the outcome you had hoped for, then your part in the scenario
was probably useful. If on the other hand you didn't
get a satisfactory outcome, then whatever you did could be classified
as not useful.
By learning
to separate behaviour/action/reaction from the desired or hoped
for intent (outcome), you can more easily become more flexible
in adjusting what you are doing. In so doing, you enhance your
chances of achieving what you want, and that is much more useful,
is it not?
Stay tuned
for more information on these interesting topics in the coming
months. Please remember to send us your feedback!
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British
Newspapers
Commenting
on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a
large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said,
"We agree it was rather high for the time of year.
It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the
gas used up during the explosion that destroyed
his house." (The Daily Telegraph)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for
a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description.
It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want
the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed
a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind
speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have
a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had
just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen
Evening Express)
Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted
the audience with her reminiscence of the German
prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her
garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she
recalled - "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap,
but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our
lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler."
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)
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 Contributing
Columnist Dave Marshall is retired and lives in Spain. Before
his retirement he was in the corporate world in the UK, and
also taught NLP (he's an NLP Master Trainer). Visit his website
at www.nlpman.eu
which has a ton of free information on NLP and lots of other
good stuff.
_______________________________________
What
are your options?
by David Marshall
As
it is that time of year when people make New Year resolutions,
here's a little tip about thinking out the implications. There
are four simple questions which can help you sort out potential
actions in your mind. Let us say that we have an apple and an
orange, what choices do we have? Well, we could have the apple
and the orange, or we could have the apple and not have the
orange, or we could not have the apple and still have the orange
and lastly, we could not have the apple and not have the orange.
Pretty simple isn't it? Just common sense! And yet when considering
other things we tend to forget these four simple options.
This all
originated with the French mathematician Renee Descartes (the
"Father of Modern Philosophy") and you will probably have met
it when you did graphs in school. Remember the graphs had an
X and Y axis. Above the X line were things that were positive,
below the line were things that were negative, to the left of
the Y line was negative and to the right to of the line was
positive. So you had four quadrants:
- both
X and Y was positive
- X was
positive and Y was negative
- both
X and Y was negative
- X was
negative and Y was positive.
Now, when
you apply this basic concept to everyday life you, you come
up with the four combinations that you should consider before
making any change.
After all
the end of year celebrations are over, some of us may feel that
we indulged a little too heavily in the pleasures of food and
drink, and our waist size has grown a little. So we may make
a resolution to lose some weight. If we put that through the
four questions we will end up with:
1. What
will happen if I do lose weight?
2. What
will happen if I don't lose weight?
3. What
won't happen if I don't lose weight?
4. What
won't happen if I do lose weight?
I don't
know what thoughts you will find coming to mind as you consider
these questions but they do have a peculiar knack of opening
new directions in things that you think are quite simple. They
can also have the effect of opening up new possibilities that
you had not previously considered. When you have a client coming
to you for the purpose of making a change, it can be really
useful to ask these four simple questions. The general form
of these questions then becomes:
- What
will happen if you do make that change?
- What
will happen if you don't make that change?
- What
won't happen if you don't make that change?
- What
won't happen if you do make that change?
When we
apply this to things that we learn, it gives us what is called
the learning cycle, which are the four stages the person goes
through as they learn something. Consider a young child sitting
in a car pretending to drive it. They are unconscious of the
fact that they are incompetent. As life progresses they become
conscious of the fact that they are incompetent and then maybe
they have lessons and eventually they become conscious of the
fact that they are competent, even though they still have to
think about what they doing. But that's not the end of the process,
when something is really learnt it fulfils the last part of
the four quadrants, when in this instance, they reach the stage
of unconscious competence and just drive.
 Another
application of this in the fifties was what was called Joharis
Window. This was developed by two psychologists called Joseph
Luft and Harry Ingham (hence the name!) and was used to help
people increase their self awareness. It also improved their
understanding of interpersonal communication and relationships;
particularly in the self development/self help area, as well
as business applications.
This application
compared things that we know about ourselves and things that
other people know about us. This would generate the following
four options:
1. There
are things that we know other people know about us.
2. There
are things that we know other people don't know about us.
3. There
are things that we don't know other people know about us.
4. There
are things that we don't know other people don't know about
us.
So this
is comparing the combination "known to self" and, "known to
others" and led to the four quadrants being called: open, blind,
hidden, and unknown. This then led to the generalisation that,
as people:
- there
are things that we are open about,
- things
that we are blind to,
- things
that we hide, and
- things
that are just unknown.
For example,
the open quadrant represents things that you and I both know
about me for instance, my name. The blind quadrant represents
things that you know about me but I don't know you know - I
may not know that you know the make of car that I drive. The
hidden quadrant represents things that I know about myself that
you don't know and maybe I don't want you to know. The unknown
quadrant is about the things that I don't know and you don't
know about me.
As Donald
Rumsfeld so wisely said, "Reports that say that something hasn't
happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there
are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also
know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there
are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns
--the ones we don't know we don't know."
Here's
hoping you all have a great 2009!!
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The
Train Ticket
Three
women and three men are travelling by train to the
football game. At the station, the three men each
buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just
one ticket.
'How are the three of you going to travel on only
one ticket?' asks one of the men. 'Watch and learn,'
answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their
respective seats but all three women cram into a
toilet together and close the door. Shortly after
the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door
and says, 'Ticket, please.'
The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges
with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and
moves on.
The men see this happen and agree it was quite a
clever idea; so, after the game, they decide to
do the same thing on the return trip and save some
money. When they get to the station they buy a single
ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment,
that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
'How are you going to travel without a ticket?'
asks one perplexed man. 'Watch and learn,' answer
the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves
into a toilet, and the three women cram into a toilet
just down the way. Shortly after the train is on
its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and
walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding.
She knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket please.'
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 Contributing
Columnist Tom Dorzab is a retired biologist from Kansas and
now lives with his wife in Spain. Tom followed his passion and
is now an energy medicine practitioner specializing in Eden
Energy Medicine.
You
can contact Tom at tomdorzab@ya.com
Emotional release, what a relief!
(Part 1)
by Tom Dorzab
Many
of you who that receive this newsletter may have heard of something
called EFT. You may have even used it (like everyday, forever).
I'm going to introduce you to another form of energy psychology
that uses points that are primarily located on your head and
face. They are called Neurovascular Points. These points connect
the vascular system with the Chinese system of meridians. By
holding these points lightly for a sufficient period of time,
while thinking about your trauma, the intensity of your reaction
and the associated stress that goes along with it, can be reduced
or eliminated. A side effect of using this technique is that
it can also help balance your meridians (now that's my kind
of side effect).
Before
I continue talking about Neurovascular points and how you can
work with them to feel better, I'm going to take a moment and
talk about stress.
What is
stress? If we go to our old friend Wikipedia, we get this definition:
Stress is a biological term which refers to the consequences
of the failure of a human or animal body to respond appropriately
to emotional (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotion)
or physical (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body)
threats to the organism, whether actual or imagined. It includes
a state of alarm and adrenaline production, short-term resistance
as a coping mechanism, and exhaustion. It refers to the inability
of a human or animal body to respond. Common stress symptoms
include irritability, muscular tension, inability to concentrate
and a variety of physical reactions, such as headaches and accelerated
heart rate.
While I
generally agree with their definition, I would like to simplify
it a little. This will probably surprise some of you, but my
definition includes a reference to energetic systems since they
are the basis of everything. My definition of stress is: a response
of any of our energetic systems to events or substances around
you or in you that change the systems from a state of balance
and harmony to anything else. If you are familiar with the Chinese
system of meridians, you may be aware that most meridians are
associated with a specific organ. In addition, each meridian
is also responsible for overseeing the operation of other parts
of the body. This is significant since, when we are in a state
of stress, most, if not all, of our meridians are out of balance.
Translation…..When we are in a state of stress for a prolonged
period of time, as most of us are today, we can exhibit a wide
variety of symptoms encompassing our entire body.
Although
there can be many causes, emotional upset is often at the root
of the stress we experience. Since we humans are so smart, we
not only can become upset over events that happen in our life,
we can also use all that brain power to relive the events, including
the emotional upset, time, after time, after time. Post traumatic
stress anyone? It's a good thing that we can also use all that
brain power to learn time honored techniques to reduce or eliminate
the stress associated with past or present emotional trauma.
The following is one such technique using the Neurovascular
points.
The Five
Element model, which is the basis of Chinese medicine, is made
up of Water, Wood, Fire, Earth and Metal. These elements have
traits that correspond with every aspect of our life. Among
those traits are emotions. Each element has emotions associated
with it that correspond to the balanced or out-of-balanced state
of the element. For instance, an out-of-balance Water Element
would cause a person to be fearful, whereas a balanced Water
Element would result in the expression of hope. I don't know
about you, but my vote is for hope.
This method
can either be used during a particularly stressful event or
to help reduce or eliminate the stress caused by the memory
of a past stressful event.
To reduce
or eliminate the fear associated with either a past or present
event:
- Bring
the event to mind and feel the fear associated with it.
- Place
the palm of one hand horizontally across your forehead. Place
the palm of the other hand on the back of your head with the
thumb on the ridge where the skull and the neck meet.
- While
the points are being held, keep the emotion strong by thinking
about the event as if you were actually experiencing it.
- If you
are holding the points for someone else, after a time (3 to
30 minutes) you will probably feel strong pulses from all
the points simultaneously. If you are holding your own, you
may not feel the pulses, but there will often be a feeling
of a release along with a deep sigh or a yawn.
Use the
technique as often as needed to rid yourself of unwanted traumatic
memories. It may take more than one session for each memory.
In the
next newsletter we will move on to anger and who knows, we may
go for bust and move on to panic, over-compassion and grief.
Remember, no anger is allowed until next month, but you can
be fearful that you won't be able to control your anger.
Happy Neurovascular
holding!
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Berit's
Corner
 It's
the start of a new year! Many people make resolutions that they
usually end up not sticking with, and then beat themselves up
about it. Some people do follow through and have a healthier
and happier life. I have no idea what makes the difference,
i.e., some do, and some don't succeed. If I were to hazard a
guess I might think it has something to do with a person's attitude
and beliefs. One of the really hot topics currently in vogue
is the Law of Attraction.
David Riklan, the founder of SelfGrowth.com - The Online Self
Improvement Encyclopedia (the description on their website)
wrote an interesting commentary about the Law of Attraction
a few weeks ago.
Before I go on, I should disclose that Alex is one of the experts
listed on the website, so maybe I should watch what I write
:-) When David Riklan wrote his commentary he invited comments
from people and they are posted on the website. Rather than
post a comment there, I decided to write something here. I'm
probably going to ruffle someone's feathers, but that's the
great thing about having opinions - thank heaven we don't all
have the same ones!
Back to the Law of Attraction - Here is what David Riklan wrote
and I've made comments within his article:
David:
Perhaps no other concept in the self improvement field
ignites such passionate enthusiasm and controversy as the Law
of Attraction. While there may not be one universally-agreed-upon
definition, most authors and speakers who teach the Law of Attraction
would agree on the following:
The Law of Attraction says that people's thoughts - both conscious
and unconscious - dictate the reality of their lives. You attract
into your life whatever you think about. Your dominant thoughts
will find a way to manifest themselves, to come into being.
Your thoughts become your reality. So, if you think that you
are rich, you will get rich. If you believe you'll get the promotion,
get the new car, the big mansion, get the girl - or guy - of
your dreams, you will.
Berit: Those of you familiar with the term "generalizations"
will realize that the above statements are sweeping generalizations.
And, if this were really true for all of us, then we'd all have
whatever it is we want in life and everyone would be happy!
David:
Teachers
of the Law also recommend that you focus on what you do want,
instead of focussing on what you don't. For example, focus on
being healthy instead of focussing on not being sick. Focus
on being wealthy, instead of simply on not being poor.
Berit: I agree totally with this statement! It's also
the philosophy that Alex and I teach at our workshops and it's
something we've believed for a very long time.
David:
This
is important because - here's one of the key teachings of the
Law - if you think the wrong thoughts, or just fail to think
the right ones, you end up attracting bad things into your life.
Berit: My first thought here is: Who decides if your
thoughts are "wrong" or "right"? And, I know I'm sounding like
generalizations are a bad thing
but
making such a sweeping generalization saying that if you have
bad thoughts, bad things will come into your life, seems a bit
farfetched to me. I'm sure that each and every one of us has
had some bad thoughts, we may have even wished harm come to
someone. The good news is that those bad thoughts don't hang
around long, and I don't personally know of any one case where
a person's bad thoughts (by themselves) has caused harm to come
to anyone. Granted, some people turn negative or bad thoughts
into behaviour that in turn can cause harm to others. The point
being I don't know of a case where the thought per se caused
another harm.
David:
Negative
thinking will attract negative outcomes. If you believe you're
going to fail, you're going to fail. If you think all of your
relationships are going to go bad, guess what, you'll attract
bad relationships into your life. And this leads to some of
the most controversial aspects of the Law of Attraction.
Berit: This is pretty close to what I believe, but not
100%. "Negative" thinking is not useful, that's for sure. But,
I know from personal experience, that having some negative thoughts
has not resulted in my failure at something, nor have I attracted
a negative outcome. Maybe I take issue with the word "negative."
If we limit ourselves to either "negative" or "positive" thoughts,
then we have a black and white world. And, I'm sure most of
you will agree that our world has many shades, and often, they
are shades of grey, not only black or white.
David:
For example, say you got hit by a drunk driver on the
way home from work. According to the Law of Attraction, you
attracted that into your life.
Say your house was destroyed by a hurricane or earthquake. The
Law of Attraction says - you deserved it. You're responsible.
Skeptics say that the theory of the Law of Attraction falls
apart when applied to real-life cases like the above, proving
that it can't be the great hidden "Secret" governing the universe.
Berit: These last examples of real life situations (drunk
driver, hurricane or earthquake) are the kind of statements
that really annoy me. And, if people actually believe them,
then I'm more than annoyed. I think it's a travesty. I cannot
believe that the people of New Orleans - the 1,600 that died
(including babies), the hundreds of thousands that lost their
homes and businesses or the folks that were injured - "deserved
it, or were responsible. "
I really wanted to buy into the Law of Attraction because it
does have some useful attributes, like focussing on being healthy
rather than sick, and focussing on being wealthy rather than
not being poor. As I said before, that way of thinking is what
we teach at our workshops. But, I draw the line at saying people
are responsible or deserve negative or bad things in their life,
if they have negative or bad thoughts.
If anyone (including the people that teach the Law of Attraction)
can explain to me exactly how even one individual that lost
their home in New Orleans deserved it, or was responsible for
the loss, I'd sure like to hear it. If they would also like
to explain how countless people around the world have lost their
pensions and/or retirement savings, and have no idea how they
are going to manage when they retire, then I'd like to hear
how they deserve it, or were in any way responsible for the
current world economic crisis.
That kind of thinking bothers me. It also does a grave injustice
to all of us. Instead of so many of us jumping on the latest
hot thing, the coolest, newest way of being and then preaching
to everyone we meet that this is the way we should be; how about
we take personal responsibility for our own actions, deeds AND
thoughts first. If we walk the talk, and practice what we preach,
then we lead by example and others will model us.
Please don't ask me, or anyone else, to buy into the fact that
we deserve or are responsible for the bad stuff that happens,
especially when they are natural disasters, or even if they
are man made ones like the economic crises. Those really are
events beyond our control, no matter how many bad/negative,
or nice/positive thoughts we have.
I wish all of you a truly bountiful, happy and healthy 2009
- even if you have a bad thought or two
Till
next month,
Take care.
Ty having
fun in the snow!
Alex's Workshop…
it's where he goes for his therapy
Front of
the house. It's the first white Christmas we've had in years!
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Definitions
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and
is now growing in the middle.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before
they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and
wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in
conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without
damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies
better.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person
at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person
scraped off.
And, my favourite --
WRINKLES: Something other people have.
I
have character lines.
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