Volume 14, No. 10 October 2007 Resource State Sorting Information Enhance Results in Therapy Berit's Corner

Editor's Note: Warning! I thought I would warn everyone that Rehana and Dave have written about stuff other than EFT in this edition of Reflections. As many of you have probably realized the elegance in applying EFT, especially during the information gathering phase, is greatly enhanced when a person knows some other "stuff." Knowing a bit of NLP, for example, really helps the EFT practitioner zero in on specifics, aspects and get to core issues more quickly. Rehana and Dave have written about different ideas or subjects, which once you learn how to use them, will greatly help you when applying EFT. And... Alex has written about how to get into a "resource state" to help you in all areas of your life. Resource State by Dr. Alexander R. Lees Some describe a resource state as calm, centred, positive and enthusiastic. I suppose adding to that description "To be focused on a clear outcome, with anticipation," wouldn't hurt either. For some it's not so easy to slip into a state of being calm, centred, positive and enthusiastic. The reasons why they can't aren't too important for our purposes here; it's more important to learn what to do to get into a resource state so you can accomplish what it is you wish to accomplish. Here's one easy way that you may want to consider, to help you get into a resource state.

The Circle Imagine a circle, glowing on the floor. Add a soundtrack by either turning on your stereo, or simply playing it in your head. The sound can be anything you deem motivational, anything that feels good for you. As you listen to the soundtrack, begin to imagine yourself, see yourself standing in the glowing circle. The you that you are seeing can be "borrowed" from memory. For example, recall a time when you were faced with a challenge, and performed exceedingly well. The circumstance or the subject matter is irrelevant. What you want to do is recall a time when you were really resourceful. Once you have that memory, notice the look on your face, the way you hold your body, standing there in the circle. The rule here is that for every state of mind, there is a physiology associated with it, unique to the individual. This is the image you want to see, standing in the circle. Once you are satisfied with the image, and as the soundtrack plays, step into the circle, and become one with the image. Look out of his or her eyes. See the room or environment you are in from this state. Feel what it feels like to be in that resourceful state, as you see the glowing circle, and hear the soundtrack. Upcoming Seminars EFT Approved Level 2 Oct. 20 & 21, 2007 View flyer for details EFT Approved Level 3 Nov. 24 & 25, 2007 View flyer for details NLP Nov. 3, 2007 Details available in October Whenever you are ready, step out of the circle, and mime reaching down and picking up the circle. Would you like to wear it as a button? Would you like to wear it as a ring? How about an earring? Perhaps you have a particular gesture, or idiosyncratic movement you can identify when nervous, or otherwise less than resourceful. You may even want to elicit some assistance from a friend, or family member. Ask them if they notice any gesture you exhibit when irritated, unsure, etc. Once you have an answer (i.e., "You scratch your nose when you are irritated.") pick up the circle, pantomime reducing it to a suitable size, and place it on your body wherever you choose. Take a moment to think of some future event(s) where touching this particular part of your body, where the circle is located, and where evoking the state associated with it would be advantageous to you. One of the secrets to learning is repetition, so you may want to repeat this exercise several times to lock it in. Anything that becomes "second nature" is so much easier to do, and has a stronger effect. Now that you know how to be in a resourceful state you may want to take a minute to think about when and where it would be helpful and useful for you. For example... Just before you ask for a raise or apply for a promotion. As you prepare for that big presentation that will hopefully lead to a sale or a contract. When next you're going to have a family meeting to get everyone in shape about cleaning their rooms and helping with the chores. When you're going to have a conversation with a loved one or friend and bring up some issue that you're unhappy about. When you're about to write an exam. If you're an EFT practitioner, or any form of "people helper" and you're getting nowhere with your client. When faced with a big problem and you don't know how to deal with it... And, any other situations you find yourself in, where feeling on top of it, ready to conquer the world, would help you do it. Practise makes perfect and you'll be feeling resourceful in no time at all. And one final thing… just suppose, after reading both David's and Rehana's articles, that you find putting them into practise ends up in the "I'll do it later" pile. Wouldn't it be useful, in order to get the maximum benefit, to place yourself in a resourceful state first? Doing so would also allow you to begin integrating the technique for future use into the bargain; after all, that's what it's for, is it not? One way to sort all that information coming in... by David Marshall Contributing Columnist Dave Marshall is retired and lives in Spain. Before his retirement he taught NLP (he's an NLP Master Trainer) and now has a website with lots of free information on NLP. You can contact Dave at www.nlpman.eu _______________________________________ In NLP we talk about things called Meta programs. To put it simply a meta program is a filter that selects, out of the overload of information that surrounds us, the things that we are interested in. This might be an oversimplification, but it will do for now. Let's see an example. Consider these three letters And answer this question - What is the relationship between them? Of course there are no wrong answers because it all depends on your perception or more specifically in NLP jargon "do you sort by sameness or difference?." Here are some typical replies: There are two As and one B. They are all on the same line. One has curves, the others are made up of straight lines. Two are made up of straight lines - the other has curves. They occupy different positions. And so we could go on. The essential thing to notice here is, "Did you spot the things that are the same first, or things that are different?" This meta program is called Sameness vs Difference and it controls one aspect of our perception and leads to some interesting considerations because it shows how people prefer to see their world - which means we can phrase the things we say to suit their model of the world. The Sameness type prefer things to be the same, so, in a therapy situation you might say, for example, "Today I am going to show some thing that is much the same as the things we did last time you were here." For the Differences type you could say, "Today we are going to do something different." Of course things are not that clear-cut because most people are a combination of the two extremes and exist on a continuum. sameness sameness with difference difference with sameness difference Most people generally fall into the category of Sameness with Difference, so most of the time you are safe to say things like, "Let' go over what we did last time and then we will do something slightly different." Think of advertising - a lot of ads are based on this format, i.e., Crest - with the New Blue Whitener! This also affects the way we live our lives. Sameness people are happy to have a job for a long time, whereas Difference people get bored easily and want to be moving on to something new. The Sameness people will tend to stick to the tried and tested (change their car? - same brand different model). Differences people want the new and innovative ( change their car? - which one has got the latest bells and whistles?). Extreme Difference types can become very argumentative and are sometimes called mis-matchers because they will be looking at things that are different to everyone else. And they will often be the inventors and innovators but not very good at the implementation (boring, boring!!) - that's where the other types excel! I once had a manager who had a favourite phrase, "Remember, no surprises, it's just business as usual!" In public speaking, making presentations, or training, groups of people need to be addressed in a way that encompasses the complete range. For example, "Today we are going look at how this was developed from previous models which led us into the new breakthrough that we have just made." I am sure that you can now think of many familiar situations where you can use these ideas, and approach them in new light and have yet another way of improving your understanding of your self and those who you deal with. And it's good to remember that these things were discovered by observing the real world and the way people behave - all NLP has done is to take something tried and tested, given us a new understanding of it and added a new twist to the way we can use it! The Psychiatrist and Proctologist... Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones Hysterias and Posteriors The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics." No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance. "Nuts and Butts?" No way. "Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go. "Loons and Moons?" Forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones Odds and Ends Everyone loved it.   Contributing Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally. You can contact Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz or visit her website at www.behaviourchanges.com How to enhance results in therapy by Rehana Webster Being able to mix and match different tools when working with clients just increases the success rate for brief therapy. I have found when it's appropriate to use EFT, and it is used alongside with NLP, the results are outstanding. Clients find new directions and focus as well as resolving their problems. For example when a client comes to see me I try to figure out what trigger is creating the problem. Then I determine how the trigger can be changed. Or, can the client be helped to disassociate from the trigger altogether. If they learned to respond in a certain way to a certain trigger, be it visual, auditory or kinesthetic, then they can be helped to unlearn the response because it no longer serves a useful purpose. Let's take "Kate" who came to see me about self-esteem issues. She also had a habit of biting her nails when she felt stressed. Kate felt stressed a lot of the time and biting her nails took her attention off the stress and gave her immediate relief. Of course her nails were bitten down to her cuticles and looked really sore and ugly. I had pre-screened Kate and asked for a list of stressful events in her life. She had done her homework and we found a number of core incidents in her early life which we tapped on using EFT. With each core incident we applied the movie technique, and then used all the variations of the movie technique to send her system into overload so that she could no longer generate the negative feelings from those events. Then I decided to use the NLP technique called Anchoring. I asked Kate to think of a recent time when she felt stressed and then nibbled on her nails. She said it was at a job interview a few days ago. This time I asked her to think about the feeling she got from biting on her nails and while she was in the peak of that nibbling nails experience, I touched her on one of her knuckles to anchor that feeling. Then I asked Kate to expand the good feeling of relief she got from nibbling and to really go into it and feel it in her whole body and expand it, and DOUBLE and QUADRUPLE that feeling, till every cell in her body felt sooo relieved. I continued to anchor this great feeling and finally asked her if that feeling had a color, what would it be? Blue, she responded. Then I asked her to take that blue color and cover her whole body with it and the room, and the town, and the country, and the continents, and the globe. Next I asked her about the build up of the negative stress just before she starts to nibble on her nails. So back to the job interview we went. Her negative self talk and internal images would generate this stress and it would build up and while she was in the peak of the experience, again I anchored that feeling on another knuckle. We didn't have to expand on this feeling at all and instead I just asked her to again think of going for the interview and as I saw the physiological changes, I touched the other 'blue relief' knuckle. I encouraged her to keep thinking about the stressful interview and within seconds the change in her was very noticeable. I asked her what was going on, as she said she couldn't generate the stress now. Try, I said. But no, she could not do it. We had collapsed the anchors successfully. A week later I checked with Kate and she noticed that she had not been biting her nails. In addition I had also asked Kate to do continuous tapping on her fingers if she felt any need to discharge negative feelings. Update on our book... We want to thank everyone that gave us feedback on our book. Your comments were very helpful and we incorporated some of your suggestions and now feel that we have a great book. What's really exciting is that some of you think so too! The manuscript has now gone to the editor and we'll be curious to see what changes she suggests, but we're sure that they too, will make the book even better. The next few months will be devoted to finalizing the title of the book, designing the front/back cover and the layout. All exciting projects we are looking forward to. We'll keep you posted on our progress and of course, we'll let you know when we have the first copies hot off the presses     Berit's Corner I read an interesting and amusing article about how a person should go about choosing a therapist and when to decide to stop seeing one if they're done. The article got me thinking about the subject and I decided to make my own recommendations. So here goes... What criteria should you use when looking for a therapist? The amount and type of initials after a person's name are not that important. You would like the person to be reasonably intelligent, insightful, and empathetic plus possess a certain amount of training. If the only "training" the person has had is living with crazy relatives, or their own personal history, and/or a weekend workshop in the "latest, best and greatest" new therapeutic technique that "guarantees to cure what ails you," then this person is probably not the therapist for you. If the therapist starts talking about being "friends" run in the opposite direction! Your friends are for friendship and therapists are to help you deal with your issues and help you feel better. Therefore no cuddling on the couch, back rubs or "friendly" emails and phone calls. No exceptions! Therapist should be punctual. A good therapist will know the meaning of time so he/she will start on time, end on time and doesn't mess up appointment times. Now, if the therapist's wife runs the office and makes a goof with the schedule, please give her a break... she's getting older and her memory isn't what it used to be. If it's not the therapist's wife, making a mistake once in a while is forgivable... we are all human after all. Therapist "normal?" If the therapist doesn't seem quite "normal" that's OK. Most aren't. This doesn't mean they aren't great therapists, it just means that he/she might be a little eccentric. So, as long as he/she is both sensitive and sensible, don't worry too much about a few personality quirks. But, if your therapist starts talking about "the mother ship" or "we should discuss your problem on a beach in Tahiti," get out of there! That "stuck" feeling. Sometimes during therapy it feels as if you're not getting anywhere, it's as if you're in a slump or stuck. This can sometimes happen, and is no reflection on the client or the therapist. Often, there's a lull before the storm, or another way of saying this is, sometimes it takes a bit of time before a breakthrough happens. If you're concerned you're not getting what you need, talk to your therapist. He/she should respond with some suggestions on how to move things forward so you can reach your goals. If not, it may be time to find a new therapist. Is it time to say "Goodbye?" If you decide it's time to stop seeing your therapist remember that you're the boss, and the therapist is working for you. A person usually knows if they're "done," but if your therapist suggests there may be a bit more to work on, and if you respect this person, it might be a good idea to listen to him/her. A good therapist will have your best interest at heart because they want you to have achieved your goals during the therapeutic process. One Session Wonders or "Miracles." These do happen, unfortunately not as often as is advertised or marketed, nor as often as some people would like. There could be a million reasons why it hasn't happened for you, so it's important to remember that therapy is a process not an "event." How do you determine success? One of the most important aspects of a successful therapeutic encounter is that you have resolved whatever issues you wanted to deal with. If after weeks or months of sessions you're still TALKING about the "problem," i.e., "Should I stay with my spouse, or go?" then nothing has been resolved. By this point in time you would hopefully have come to a decision and can move forward in your life. Seeing a therapist for years may be OK for celebrities and the rich and famous, but mere mortals usually resolve their issues much faster. If you only want to "talk" about your problem, call a friend... it's cheaper, and if the friend is female she will make all the appropriate noises. "You're done!" When your problem is resolved and you're ready to get on with your life, it's time to say goodbye to your therapist. A good therapist will wish you well and remind you that he/she is there if you need a tune-up. Saying goodbye should not be a hurtful thing and will hopefully be a happy experience, a celebration of your success! One last thing... Now that you're back to enjoying life again, there's only one thing left to do... recommend your therapist to your friends, family and colleagues. Sorry, I couldn't resist saying that. On a serious note, if you are seeing a therapist I hope it's going well, but if it's not (for any of the reasons listed above) please find a new therapist. Good luck and I hope any therapeutic experiences you have are helpful and beneficial! Take care, Till next month... To our fellow Canadians:   The Best Living Will I've Seen I, Maxine, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers and/or doctors interested in simply running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following: Glass of wine Chocolate Margarita Chocolate Martini Cold Beer Chocolate Chicken fried steak Cream gravy Chocolate Mexican food Chocolate French fries Chocolate Pizza Chocolate Ice cream Cup of tea Chocolate Sex Chocolate It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the "fat lady sing". . and call it a day!   Why not Forward this Newsletter to a friend?

(C) 2007 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.