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In
& Out Of Your Body Have you ever felt that you were outside of yourself? Or, sometimes, you're so involved in something or someone, that you're totally in sync within yourself. The "technical" terms for those feelings are: associated means to be in your body and by contrast, dissociated means to be outside your body. Let's suppose you find yourself thinking about some past experience. Is the memory structured in such a way that it's as if you are there in your body, looking out of your own eyes, and recalling the event from that point of view? (This would be associated.) Is the memory structured in such a way that it's as if you are looking at you in the memory, in that event? (This would be dissociated.) Each position has its values, and its limitations. When we are associated, the kinesthetics or feelings, are more easily accessed. When we are dissociated, the kinesthetics are not so easily accessed. As I said, each position has its advantages and disadvantages, and deciding which one is the most useful is determined primarily by the reason for accessing the memory in the first place. As a general rule, associated is really useful if you are accessing a pleasant memory, and want to feel those feelings now. On the other hand, dissociation is a much more useful strategy if the memory is unpleasant in some way. Let's take a moment to test this concept out.
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After repeating this exercise a few times, you will find it easier and easier to shift from first position, namely associated, to second position - dissociated, or to shift from dissociated to associated, whenever it suits you. Here's an example of using associated/dissociated. You have told all your friends you're going to do it, so now you can't back out. The door of the small plane has been removed. This allows you and the parachute on your back easy entry and exit, when the time comes. "We're at jump altitude and speed," yells the pilot over the wind and engine noise, "Get ready to go!" The earth looks an impossible distance, straight down there, and as you ease your upper body into the wind, you begin to really appreciate the power of 120 mph air rushing by; clawing at your face, hair and suit. In the next moment, you are accelerating towards the ground, and out of the corner of your eye, the perfectly safe plane pulls away, and as you open your mouth to scream away the panic, the air rushing in causes your cheeks to flap as it snatches away the scream. And, if that short
story doesn't give you some insight into the difference between associated
and dissociated, and the value of playing around with it, you may want
to check the dosage of any meds you might be on. So, until you are ready to resolve any unpleasant memories, I think you will agree that dissociating from them, that is whenever you access them, take a moment to see yourself in that memory, will temper the unpleasant feelings considerably. At the same time, accessing pleasant memories and adjusting the recall so you are associated, will allow you to feel those pleasant sensations more fully in NOW.
Walking
'Round Anxiety _______________________________________ Those of us familiar with EFT know that we can "tap" out feelings of worry and anxiety quite easily. But, sometimes we forget to remember to tap, or it's not appropriate (for whatever reason) so here's a simple, quick and easy technique to banish worry or anxiety. Last Saturday morning the phone rang. It was Mike from the garage and he started to explain that he was very worried about going on holiday. He had not been eating or sleeping properly for over a week. He explained that he was going on a driving holiday in America and he kept worrying about things like: suppose his credit card wouldn't work, what would happen if the motels were all full, what if they got ill and the insurance would not cover the bill and many other things. "What can I do to help?" He said, "He was wondering if this funny 'head stuff' that I did could help him get over it?" I replied, "I think so. When are you going on holiday?" He replied, "Tomorrow!" I said, "I'd better come round now!" I went to his house, we sat in his garden, and I explained about the idea of Timeline and how we could change the way we think about things by exploring something we call a timeline. I asked him where he would think his timeline would be, relative to where he was sitting and he pointed straight out in front. That was ideal. I asked, "Where on that line would represent 'now?'" "Where I'm sitting," he replied. I then asked, Where on the line would represent the point where you will stop worrying about the holiday?" Mike replied, "When I'm back home and it's about three metres away!" I took a book and walked about three metres away from where he was sitting and put the book on the timeline. I looked at him and noticed his shoulders, chest and arms were very tense. I said, "Okay. I want you to think of the line as being there on the grass and the book is the point where you will stop worrying because you are safely back home." He smiled, laughed, and said, "That's a real weight of my shoulders!" And, as he said that, his shoulders and arms relaxed, and the tension just disappeared. The secret of this method lies in the presupposition in the word "anxiety." You can only be anxious (or nervous, worried, tense, etc.) about something that has NOT happened. By using the future aspect of timeline, it's as if we can give the brain a memory of the event (by walking 'round it and looking back on it - positively). By definition, you can't be anxious about it because we have just "made it happen."
In
Celebration of
You can contact
Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz
Using EFT to "Unlearn" Negative Beliefs Recently I read the following in a shiatsu newsletter: "Un-learning what you've learned in the past can be more important than learning something new." I couldn't have said it better! Learning something new about ourselves and the world we live in often requires us to first un-learn what we've learned in the past. Many of us are taught very powerful, yet incorrect lessons, as children. They become our core sabotaging beliefs. These beliefs are unconscious and we respond to them without knowing or choosing. Did you ever get "taught" by a significant adult, that you were careless, lazy, selfish, and just plain dumb? Did you, at some level, believe what the adult "taught" you? Do these beliefs affect the choices you make in your life now? In order for you to free yourself up to learn something new, you'll need to first "un-learn" what the significant adult taught you in the past by removing the negative filters placed on you. Otherwise, you'll only be able to see in yourself, what the adult saw in you, in the moment of anger. Free yourself from the negative past and build the future you desire! Discover what it's like to be free by unlearning negative beliefs and finding yourself left with only what's true for you. Recently I had an example of this with a client (a middle-aged man I'll call Bob) who was suffering from depression. In our first session, I asked him, "Do you know the cause of your depression?" Bob: "Sure I know why I'm depressed. It's because I have never succeeded in life no matter how hard I've tried. I've failed in every aspect of my life. My finances, my relationships, my health…all failures! Wouldn't you be depressed too?" Me: "Well, how did this happen? Where did you learn this? It seems to be a core belief which started at a young age for you." Bob: "I can remember my older brother Jim, telling me that I was a failure and would never succeed at anything in my life. I feel like that's seared into my brain! I can hear him telling me that so clearly. I've had heaps of therapy and nothing works for me." Me: "Do you know the reason why Jim was so mean to you?" Bob: "I finally found out why Jim was so mean to me. He was not my brother, but my uncle. My mother was Jim's sister and she had fallen pregnant. To save the family from shame and dishonor in those days… it was the 1950s… the family pretended that I was the youngest of the brood. The elder kids had to keep this DARK and UGLY secret. It was too much for Jim. He took out his anger and frustration, about having to pretend and lie, by being mean to me." We chose the words that were seared into Bob's brain to tap on. I got Bob to repeat the phrase "You'll never succeed in life," while I tapped on the EFT points for him. We had rated the feeling he got from hearing those words and it was 10+++! We rechecked the intensity and found that it was down to zero. Bob laughed out loud as he realized the impact of the negative conditioning he had received, and how it had affected his whole life in so many ways. Bob's resolution lay in recalling the events/phrases which had become core beliefs and we used EFT to interrupt the old patterns and "unlearn" what he had unwittingly learned.
Berit's
Corner Thank you to everyone that sent me birthday wishes. I enjoyed opening my emails from friends around the world. It's nice to be remembered, especially the people I haven't seen in years. Seeing your greetings brought back many happy memories of good times we shared in the past. Thank you! The movie (and also the book) called The Secret and the concepts of the law of attraction have taken the world by storm. I think it's great that more and more people are learning this info. As with many "new" things, the law of attraction concept has actually been around for many, many years, and people have probably been applying the principles for centuries. I would bet that some of you have applying it in your own lives, long before it became a hit movie. I know I have, I just didn't know "it" had a name. Also, many of us have been doing "it" unconsciously, and in some cases, doing it most of our lives. I remember the first time (I became aware of) doing it consciously. It was about 30+ years ago and I was newly divorced and didn't have much money. I didn't know I was supposed to ask my soon-to-be ex-husband to provide alimony. It never entered my head. My ex-husband and I did our own divorce - no lawyers involved. Whenever I mentioned that fact to people they rolled their eyes and said I had been silly, or stupid! I rolled my eyes back at them and said, "It's OK, I'm really lucky because I had a great divorce, no hassles of any kind, so as far as I'm concerned, we did the divorce the best way, for us." Over the years I have done many like and similar things and just the other day I was lamenting about the fact I needed an illustrator for Alex's new book, and the person I had hoped would do it, wasn't in a position to do it. "Woe is me," I thought as I wrote an email to my friend Rehana, and before I realized what I was doing, I was typing, "Do you know anyone that could illustrate our book?" Rehana's reply
was quick. "I'll check around." By then my conscious mind kicked in
(thank heaven!) And I wrote her back, "What about you?" You see, Rehana,
besides being an EFT & NLP Master Practitioner (and workshop presenter)
is also a talented cartoonist. Being the astute woman that she is, she
replied, "I thought that's what you were getting at." Which of course
I was. So, to all you lovely people out there, if things aren't working out quite the way you want them to, I have two recommendations:
You may be surprised and delighted with the results. Here's an example of Rehana's skill at drawing... if you don't recognize it's me, it's because I was a lot younger in the photo I sent her! I hope you have a wonderful summer and you attract all sorts of good stuff into your life! Take care, Till next month...
Happy 4th of July to our American friends!
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As
you plant your feet firmly near the edge of where the door used to be,
you realize your fingers have decided your conscious mind has obviously
blown some important self preservation circuit. That's why they have
taken on a life of their own and refuse to release their grip on the
plane's structure.
Now,
just as the wind threatens to remove both eyeballs, and the adrenalin
hits its peak as you watch that hard ground rushing closer and closer,
you find yourself sitting on the bench, feeling the cup of coffee in
your hand, looking out across the perfectly manicured grass near the
runway, watching yourself way, way up there, as the chute opens, and
you watch as that you floats to a gentle landing a quarter mile
away, and gathers the chute in your arms.
Contributing
Columnist Dave Marshall is retired and lives in Spain. Before his retirement
he taught NLP (he's an NLP Master Trainer) and now has a website with
lots of free information on NLP. You can contact Dave at 
Together
we stepped off the timeline and walked to the other side of the book,
about four metres from the chair. I asked Mike to turnaround and then
said, "Look back along the line and noticed that everything went really
well. You had a really good time touring America and everything was
absolutely wonderful."
Contributing
Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master
Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally.
After
three rounds of tapping and saying the phrase out loud, I could see
that Bob was noticeably more relaxed and said that he was not getting
a charge from the phrase. To make sure we were interrupting that tape,
I got Bob to sing the phrase in R & B, then in Rock 'n Roll, and finally,
do a Donald Duck imitation while I continued to do the tapping.
My
60th birthday has come and gone and I have now had several weeks of
being an older person. To tell you the truth, I don't feel any different
than I did when I was only 59. I haven't done anything outrageous...
yet, but I'm looking forward to trying it, should the opportunity arise.
But, in my opinion, "waiting" for an opportunity to arise could take
a while. So I decided instead of waiting, I'd "make" it happen. Talked
to two of my girlfriends in the States and the three of us are going
to have an "OOB - Outrageous Old Broad" weekend together in August.
I'm the youngest of the three of us so I figured if I spend some time
with these two fantastic women, then I'll get some sound advice on how
to be an OOB. After we have had our weekend, I'll report back here and
give you women out there that haven't reached the age of 60 yet, some
info so you can start practising long before you turn 60. There really
is no specific age you have to be, to be a fun-loving, adventurous and
exiting woman. So, why not start now!
An
unintended consequence (I love those... sometimes!) was that I was now
flat broke and needed to buy a car. I was a single female now and needed
to go places. What could I do? I thought long and hard, and realized
the only thing of monetary value I had was my gorgeous diamond
engagement ring. I couldn't afford to put an ad in the paper, so I thought,
"I'll mention I have a diamond to sell, to everyone I meet." Then I
proceeded to do just that. Two days later, I had sold the diamond to
a perfect stranger. She had heard about it form a friend (the person
I had mentioned it to). The sale bought me a car.
Meanwhile,
Rehana is busy drawing illustrations for our book, the first one depicting
a car and Martians. Now, if you're wondering what on earth a car and
Martians have to do with the mind/body connection and self help techniques
(which is what Alex's book is about)... you'll just have to wait and
read the book. 
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(C) 2007 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.