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More
Techniques We just completed another EFT Level 3 workshop and a good time was had by all. One of the issues that people wanted to discuss, and get a better understanding of, was how they as the practitioner, can help the client to relax and be able to better articulate why they've come to see him/her. From my experience of teaching EFT for over eight years now, this is a common issue for many... practitioners sometimes have trouble helping the client be resourceful; the client has difficulty describing the issue or problem, and also accessing any feelings or emotions regarding the issue. You, as the practitioner, are now faced with two issues... dealing with your own frustration and not knowing how to proceed. The urge is very strong to start tapping right away and help the person! One way to help is to slow down and establish rapport with your client first. There will be plenty of time to tap, once you've established rapport. Rapport can be established in a variety of ways. Some books on the subject advocate matching the other person's body language, facial expressions, voice tonality, rhythm and volume, and word patterns. Any of these can be combined, or used alone, and once an individual decides to practise and integrate this ability you will be surprised and perhaps delighted to discover how much more easily the conversation can flow. Here is a short list of examples, just to give you an idea. |
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Another important extension of the concept of rapport is a process called pacing and leading. Practising the steps to rapport allows the practitioner of EFT to enter the client's model of the world (pacing) more easily, which in turn allows for a fuller understanding of the problem presented. Once this step is achieved, (rapport) the practitioner would then "test" by offering a solution, namely tapping "out" the blocking emotion, or tapping "in" the resource required (lead). Pace and lead is also an excellent way to "test" for rapport itself. The practitioner can match some aspect of the client's body language, etc. (pace) and then subtly adjust the personal physiology or voice speed, tone or volume, and then notice if the client also makes an adjustment (leading). If the client does so, rapport is established. If the client does not, this is simply feedback for the practitioner to continue to establish rapport (pacing) and test again by leading. Pace and lead can also take other forms. For instance, the practitioner of EFT has been listening to the client, and then might interject by stating the problem presented in a succinct form, and then add, "And I assume this is what you would like to change," or any other statement suggesting, "Let's work on that."
If the client indicates acceptance, pace and lead have been successful. If the client answers, "Yes, but, " and continues to offer further information, the practitioner may then decide to pace (listen) further, and then test again in the same way: Namely offer a succinct statement referring to the problem, and another request to begin change work. The above is but a small representation of some of those factors that influence the quality of the delivery of EFT, and hopefully will allow the curious student to realize even the Art of EFT has a structure, and therefore is learnable. I have outlined (briefly!) the concept of pacing and leading, in the context of using the technique in an EFT session, but the beauty of this technique is that it can be used in many different situations and professions, e.g., sales, consulting, teaching, legal, medical, etc. It can also be used in your daily communication with anyone! Wouldn't it be pleasant to have your communication understood, and perhaps understood more easily? I think that's something worthwhile to learn how to do.
How
Big Are You?
For anyone who has ever worked with consultants… A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure." The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his laptop and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an e-mail on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 150 page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep." Then the shepherd says: " If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" "OK, why not," answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant," said the shepherd. "That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required," answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business... Now give me back my dog."
The
linguistic Torpedo _______________________________________ Ms S and I had been commissioned to run a team building workshop for a Technical Training department in one of those large multinational companies. The manager was new to the department and wanted to introduce some new training methods and had asked us to run a workshop on Accelerated Learning principles. While that was the published objective, the unpublished objective was to introduce NLP, under the radar! The manager knew the benefits that NLP offered but he felt that his tribe of high tech people would find that it was outside their comfort zone and so he had decided that it had to be approached with subtly (not usually my strong suit!). The course was to be run in a modern mansion set in the country and, as I was waiting for the students to arrive, I sat on the trainer's chair in the entrance hall that was to serve as our classroom. The students gradually arrived and said "Good morning," or "Hello, my name is..." all except for one. As he walked past me, he said, "So I suppose this is another stitch up by at the management, is it?" I thought to myself, this one is going be a challenge! Well, I was dumbfounded. I thought that doesn't make sense and of course it didn't - to me. The effect on Fred however was absolutely amazing and he replied, "Well if you put it like that, I suppose you're right," and from that moment on was one of the most co-operative students we had in the room. That was first time I had seen the linguistic torpedo in action and I discussed it with Ms S afterwards, how effective it was, and a how, at the time, it seemed as if she'd gone off her head. She explained to me the theory behind that particular linguistic structure. It appears that extreme mis-matchers have to turn things round in their head so it's as if they hear opposite to what has been said. So if you say, "Oh what a pity it's raining," they would probably say something like "But the ducks like it." Or "What lovely, hot, sunny day" they might reply, "It's pretty miserable in the Antarctic!" So whenever you say something positive they would turn it round to something negative and vice versa. Now of course this takes up brain processing time and if you give them a sentence that's comprised mainly of negatives, preferably at least three, this will cause them to go into some sort of trancey overload and, by the time they have turned it round, it becomes very positive. And so do they. It certainly worked well on that occasion. There was another time, when I was running a Practitioner training, and we were discussing the use of language and I thought the trainers in the room would find the torpedo useful, so I explained what you say and the effect it usually has. The next day we started with a discussion about overnight discoveries and happenings and one the students explained that he had used the torpedo on his mis-matching wife and she did not say another word all night! Well, if that was his desired outcome, he really got it. The message is "treat the torpedo like the ultimate weapon and only use it as the last resort." I don't expect that you meet many people who are like that, but when you do and all else fails fire the torpedo! It really works well in business meetings too. I suppose it is just another example (if somewhat extreme) of the golden rule of communication - talk to others in way that they can understand. If you have read
the above tale you will have just experienced a simple example of learning
by metaphor and that's another story!
You can contact
Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz
Nightmares It's amazing how many times a client cannot remember an event in childhood which is the imprint/core event and trigger for responses in adulthood. Recently a young woman came in to see me because she was having nightmares. The nightmares were ALWAYS the same dream. Very scary! She would awaken in a panic, thrashing with her arms and legs and unable to breathe. She felt a huge weight on her chest which would make it difficult to breath. Since she recently married, this was becoming quite a problem for her husband and he was finding it hard to cope with this situation. Judy was beside herself from fear. She was so afraid of going to sleep and waking in this nightmare that it would take her hours to settle down and relax. The nightmares went like this: So we used my most favorite technique. The movie technique in Black and White, reverse, with music, back and forth, several times, cartooning it and finally running the event in the 'as if' frame. I tapped the shortcut version on her while we did the technique. After having rated the intensity several times and getting to a zero, I asked the million dollar question, "So does it remind you of anything when you were young?" She could feel the weight of the dingy on her chest as she was pinned down under it. Squashed under the dingy! She cried out, screamed, kicked and scratched, but they didn't come back. It seemed like hours later she heard her mother coming towards the dingy scolding the brother! It was a silly childish prank and Judy had never given it another thought after the event. Amazing how the nightmare and dingy event fit together! So we did the movie technique and tapping on this event. Judy was amazed because she had not remembered this incident until now. I checked her intensity rating and it was down to zero. Before leaving I asked her to keep a diary by her bedside and record if/when she has the nightmare again. She reported back to me, "No more nightmares!" Berit's
Corner When I was younger,
I looked older, which was great! I got into restricted movies, nightclubs
and could order a drink in a restaurant. All of which made me feel very
sophisticated and mature. Plus, it allowed me to have a lot of fun in
my late teens. As my life progressed through my teens and twenties, something magical happened. I apparently "didn't look my age." Of course, I took that as a compliment! So I sailed through my 30s, 40s and 50s hearing those lovely words, "You don't look it!" whenever someone heard my age. I always thanked the person and replied, "I thank my parents, especially my dad, 'cause he never looked his age either." My dad took good care of himself, and I remember Alex and I buying him a 10 speed bike for his 70th birthday which he rode in Stanley Park daily, almost to the end of his life at 86. I've taken pretty good care of myself too, but I really can't see myself riding a bike when I'm in my 80s! But you never know. Besides looking younger, I've also felt younger. I'm lucky because I haven't suffered from any illnesses and I've never broken any bones. I sort of took my health and physical well being for granted. Then a couple of years ago, I'm in my late 50s, I start to notice I don't have the same energy I used to. Nor do I feel as good. There are little aches and pains cropping up, especially after a long, cold and wet winter. One day when I paid attention to these achy bits, I thought, "I'm getting older." Oh dear! I looked in the mirror and I sure didn't look younger than my age. In fact, I thought I looked older. What happened? I think the simple answer to that question is - life happened, and my body and face reflect a life well spent, full of great experiences! But it will be interesting to hear what people say when I tell them how old I am on my next birthday (which is a week away). When I tell them I'm 60 and they reply, "You don't look it," I'll want to give them a big hug. If they say anything else, then I'll just ignore it because I really do believe age is a state of mind. Besides, I've often joked that when the time came, I wanted to be described as an "outrageous old broad!" I've looked forward to that time and it is now here. So, I get to say and do certain things, behave in a certain manner, and get away with it 'cause I'm now old. Now, before any of you say, "60 isn't old," I know that, but I'm going to use it as an excuse to be that outrageous old broad I've looked forward to becoming. Watch out people... I'm going full steam ahead, hopefully well into my 70s being outrageous. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. I can't wait for June 4th to arrive so I can "officially" begin this next exciting phase of my life! Take care,
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"That
is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the
young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Contributing
Columnist Dave Marshall is retired and lives in Spain. Before his retirement
he taught NLP (he's an NLP Master Trainer) and now has a website with
lots of free information on NLP. You can contact Dave at 
And
so he proved to be. Let's call him Fred. Fred proceeded to argue with
almost every thing that we said. It went on for the next day and half.
Then, at about midday on the Tuesday, Ms S was running a session when
Fred came out with his usual comment, "I'm not sure I can agree with
that," and Ms S had clearly had enough! And then she fired the linguistic
torpedo! She said quite simply "No, I didn't think you wouldn't,
would you?"
Something
to amuse you when you have nothing better to do while sitting at
your desk, or anywhere else for that matter... 
Contributing
Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master
Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally.
Judy
(not real name) would be aware of being in this room…same room every
time, and it would remind her of an Indiana Jones movie. The walls,
floor and ceiling of the room would be slowing moving and compressing
the space. The escape route would be the door at the end of the room.
Judy would find herself at the end of a line of people and they would
be running as fast as possible towards the exit. Every one would get
through the opening but when Judy would get to it, the walls, floor
and ceiling would squash her and even though the others would be trying
to pull her out, she would end up waking and unable to breathe.
Yes,
it did. When she was about 6 years old the family was at a beach party.
The adults were at one end of the beach and the kids were frolicking
around in the water and sandy beach. Judy's brother who was a couple
of years her senior, went up to her with two of his friends and said,
"Come over here, we've got to show you something." Judy went willingly
and was feeling happy that her older brother was finally going to include
her in play. They walked up to this little dingy on the beach and the
boys held Judy down while her brother put the dingy on top of her. She
was trapped under this dingy; she couldn't lift it off her as she was
too little. Judy heard the boys walking away laughing.
A
client the other day said, "I'm hitting the BIG 60!" Unfortunately she
wasn't too happy about it. I've often wondered what it is that bothers
people about certain ages, especially milestones such as 50 and 60.
And, it does seem to bother women more than men. I think I'm one of
the lucky ones as birthdays have never bothered me.
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(C) 2007 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.