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Editor's Note: In this issue we have our regular Contributing Columnists Dave Marshall and Rehana Webster back, and together with Alex, all three cover a variety of great topics... NLP, EFT and Mind/Body stuff. I write about everyone being so busy, there's an interesting piece about income tax (it's THAT time of year again!) and our usual bits of humour. All in all, it's a great basket of goodies just in time for Easter. Hope the Easter Bunny leaves each of you some delicious dark chocolate... it really is good for you! Making
Movies in your Mind Another title for this article could have been "Guided Imagery gone wrong." Approximately 50% of the function of our brain is devoted to visualization. Interestingly, in those days when I presented workshops on guided imagery, it wasn't unusual for some participants to lament on their inability to make pictures in their heads. Sometimes, their speech patterns indicated they were doing so, but at the same time, not really conscious of it. For example, I would offer everyday examples of visually accessing information, and the spontaneous response might be "Oh, I see what you mean," or "Can you show me more examples?" This was extremely useful feedback, and allowed me to adjust the training accordingly. You see, it isn't really a question of whether or not you can visualize. It's a question of noticing that you do. Human brains process some 60,000 thoughts daily. Most of them are like movies, streaming through consciousness. These thought movies keep our world somewhat "knowable," and therefore predictable. Some time ago, some very bright people began to study how very successful people did things. It wasn't long before they discovered these people had certain patterns of thought, it was a common denominator amongst successful people, and set this group apart. |
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By far, the use of creative visualization was the most consistent pattern. As one entrepreneur said during an interview, "I just run the movie, and then live it." So, why isn't everyone doing this? It seems so simple... Well, the fact is, everyone does do it, but here's the difference, and it's a difference that makes the difference between those that do it well, and those that say they can't do it well, or do it all. A few years ago, I was asked to work with a basketball player that had hit a slump. As we explored the issue, comfortably in my office, it came to light that the ball was bouncing off the left side of the hoop. Further queries revealed the player ran the movie (in his mind) of this happening, and this is what he saw. He saw himself running down the court, dribbling the ball, eluding everyone that was trying to stop him and then effortlessly would throw the ball, and as it soared through the air, heading for the hoop, it suddenly veered off to the left and bounced off the rim, and onto the floor. He ran this same movie, over and over, many times a day, and he also saw it in 3D and in colour!
We changed the "movie," to one of seeing the ball drop through the hoop, over and over, and the player was out of his slump in no time. A dancer I worked with was acknowledged as having the best potential the instructor had seen in a decade. Unfortunately, the dancer wasn't consistent, and her performance was on one day, and off the next, and this pattern had been repeating itself for months. Once again, the "good" and "bad" movies she was running in her head turned out to be a major contributing factor. We successfully deleted the "negative" movies and script, and replaced them with "success" movies. In Squaw Valley, a ski team was divided into two groups. Group A was asked to relax, listen to the soothing music, and visualize skiing down the hill. The instructor encouraged them to visualize each twist and turn on the run, with emphasis on the details, such as: "Where would your hip be, in relation to your leading ski, as you traverse that turn at Pole 4?" This training was repeated twice daily for three days. On day four, the entire team then skied the hill, and each member's performance was compared to the one established prior to the "experiment." In each case, those that had practised in their heads improved the most! The full implication of this kind of phenomenon is astounding. Time and time again in this kind of research, the fact remains the brain does not distinguish between what is "real" and what is imagined, and the process can be used for either empowering outcomes, or limiting ones. So yes, imagery or visualization is a powerful influence on attitude, behaviours and performance. But, please remember, the process itself doesn't care if you use it for useful outcomes, or self limiting ones. This concept - positive guided imagery - is not the domain of athletes and performers... the opportunity is open to everyone. Since you're running
movies in your head anyway, why not adjust them so they become more
supportive and help you achieve your chosen outcomes and desires. Therefore,
the next time you find yourself in a bit of a slump, do yourself a favour
- check the movies in your head... it can really make a difference.
"Taxing
the People" - Explaining Taxation When explained like this, it is much easier to understand our current tax code. Sometimes politicians, journalists and the liberal left exclaim; "It's just a tax cut for the rich!" and it is just accepted to be fact. But what does that really mean? Just in case you are not completely clear on this issue, I hope the following will help. Please read it carefully. Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand: Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: * The first four
men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20." Dinner for the ten now cost just $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his "fair share?" They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to eat their meal. So, the restaurant owner suggested: * The fifth man,
like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings)
Each of the six paying customers was better off than before, and the first four continued to eat for free. Once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings: "I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than me!" "That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!" "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!" As a consequence, the first nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. When it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! And that, boys
and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system
works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from
a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and
they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start eating
overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
Putting
people at ease is easy! _______________________________________ When you first meet
someone have you ever wondered what it is that makes you feel comfortable
about being with them [or not, as the case may be]? Of course, what
you say, and what they say, is all very well but most of our detection
systems are unconscious. We are unaware of them until they are brought
to our attention. Studies have shown that in total communication only
7% of the meaning is derived from the words, we derive 93% of the meaning
from the way the words were said, and the persons physiology, that is
the way they stand or their posture. Just think of the number of different
meanings a phrase like "You're late," can have. It can be said as a
joke, as a complaint, in a grumpy tone, an angry tone, with a waving
fist, with a strong glare, etc.
First, consider the upper body posture and adopt a similar one yourself. Then notice their breathing. If you can, breathe with the same rhythm [provided they're not hyperventilating or having an asthma attack]. This too will give you benefits because you will start to feel similar to the way they feel. Another thing to watch out for is the blink rate. This is something that you can match by moving a finger whenever they blink. I am told that this is particularly useful in a busy bar when you are trying to attract the attention of a barman. Hold a suitable note (or bill) in your hand and move or tap a finger in time with the barman's blink rate. The barman generally feels more like serving you than anybody else! This is all under the heading of matching someone's behaviour. When you practice that and can do it unconsciously yourself, then consider the way they speak. Now, it's not about mimicking accents, but it is about adopting similar tones, speed and words. When you pay attention to the words people use, you may notice that some people have a special affinity or liking for some words. You can easily get on their wavelength by using the same words in appropriate places. They may talk about things "looking good" or "sounding OK" or "not feeling right." Match the style of words they are using so that you meet them halfway, as it were. There are specific signs that indicate whether you are in tune with the other person. The first is detected by making a movement or gesture yourself and noticing whether the other person repeats the gesture. This is called pacing and leading. Another very obvious sign is when the other person starts to tell you about similar experiences that they have had to yours. It can be summed up with the saying "We like people who are like us" - and we detect the similarities (until now!) at an unconscious level!!
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You can contact
Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz
Uncovering a traumatic childhood event A recent client (we will call him Chris) came in feeling 'down', depressed, unsure, unmotivated and reliant on drugs to change his present state. He felt a knot in his stomach often. We explored his life history and he felt that because he was adopted he had never bonded with his family. There were several incidents in his life that he wanted to let go off. He referred to these incidents as his broken records. Chris identified several negative patterns in his thinking and kept a diary for our sessions so we could easily see how often during a single day Chris would delve into the negatives. He would 'awfulize' and 'catastrophize'. Meaning that he would take any event or thought and make up negative outcomes. He could get really creative with this. A perfect candidate for EFT! One of the earliest events that he could recall was when he was about 5 years old. His parents would lock Chris and younger brother Brent into their bedroom at night. This was to prevent them from getting up before the parents and getting into mischief. One morning Chris and Brent awoke and once again found themselves unable to leave their bedroom. For some reason Brent took his toy plastic boat and stuck in into the old fashioned electric heater. The plastic quickly melted, and the room became filled with foul smelling smoke. Chris remembers screaming and shouting for help and banging on the locked door. He said that it seemed to be ages before his father appeared through the door, went to the heater, picked it up and threw it out of the window. Then father went back to bed. I asked Chris for an intensity rating on this event and he said that it was low. He didn't feel much. So I asked him to imagine what it would have been for a little guy… how would the 5 year old have felt. Still the same, "Not much," he replied. I decided to do the story technique, followed it up with the black and white movie, putting music to it and then rewinding it. I tapped on him while he concentrated on the variations of the movie. Suddenly he became very red in the face and started to gag and choke. Chris said the he felt sick to his stomach and his throat hurt. I asked him if that is how he had felt as a little kid in that room. "YES, he has a knot in his stomach from fear, the fear of not getting out of that room because the door was locked and he remembers not being able to breathe because the air was so foul!" 'So where do you think the intensity was?' '10++' he replied! The somatic was stored in his body. One of his earliest memories of fear. The knot in his stomach had completely disappeared as well!
Berit's
Corner What's wrong with the word "busy?" It's just a word. Very quickly I realized that the word "busy" represented something to me, and that representation didn't make me feel good. Lovely! Here I am, having a conversation in my head and it's both annoying and I feel bad. Mmmm. Let's see, maybe the next question should be, "What is it about the word 'busy' that is so annoying to me this morning?" It used to be, not so long ago, that when you talked to someone and asked "How are you?" they would reply, "Fine." It became an automated response and it was used so often that people didn't pay attention anymore to your answer. I tested that theory a few years ago. A person called and asked, "How are you?" I replied, "Miserable." The caller didn't skip a beat, there was no pause, and then launched into why she had called. Being the mischievous person I am, I continued to give answers to the question, "How are you?" that were not the normal "Fine." Not one person picked up on it! Fast forward to now and instead of answering "fine," people are telling us how busy they are. I think saying, "I'm busy" implies that the person doesn't have the time to do the things they would like to do, and therefore they're sorry they haven't done them, or can't do them 'cause they're too busy. I'm as guilty of this as the next person. I set a rule for myself with regards to answering emails and returning phone calls. I should reply within 24 hours. It's only polite to do so. Of course, I can't stick to my own rule all the time, and frequently it takes me longer than 24 hours to reply to an email (I'm better with phone calls and always return them within 24 hours on business days). When I finally reply to the emails I find myself starting the email with, "Sorry for the delay in responding," and then continue with a variety of variations o the "I've been busy scenario." The thing is... I am sorry for taking longer to reply than myself imposed rule of 24 hours. But the person I'm writing to doesn't know about my rule! In fact, most people reply back to me with, "Thank you for your reply," and in some cases they say "Thank you for replying so quickly." So what am I really annoyed about with the "I'm busy" response? It's partially the fact that most people are saying it. Can't we be a little more original and/or creative? Wouldn't it be more fun if we came up with something that didn't sound so pat? For example. A person asks "How are you?" And I could say, "I'm having a rotten day." The person could then say, "I'm sorry to hear that," and then inquire about what's causing my rotten day. We'd have a conversation going. Or, they could choose to say, "That's too bad, so I'll just ask my question and let you get back to being miserable." OK, I won't answer "I'm having a rotten day," because most of my days aren't rotten and I'm going to save that response for when I'm really having a rotten day! My thoughts turned back to "busy," and I realized something else. This phenomenon of being busy has taken over our lives! Everyone is busy, and they're so busy being busy, that they seem run off their feet. How many of us actually enjoy being SO busy? Are we spending our days going from one MUST DO task to another, and then collapsing into bed totally exhausted, only to get up the next day and do it all over gain? Yuk! Being so busy seems to consume us and before you know it your life will have flown by and you'll wonder where it went. I was going to say maybe it's because of my age I'm more aware of time flying by (it's true that the older you get the faster time flies) but I realize I've felt like this most of my life. I believe if we don't plan, schedule, or make time each and every day to stop and do something, anything, just for ourselves, our life becomes one gigantic MUST DO list. Seeing as how that seems to be how most of us are living our lives nowadays... do this... do that... I'd like to suggest that we all add one more item to the daily TO DO LIST and it's this:
I bet if you do, you will feel better, and have more energy to do all the other stuff you have to do. We all need to re-charge our batteries and do so frequently. Waiting to do something just for yourself (i.e., your annual holiday) isn't enough because you may find you spend the better part of your holiday just unwinding and before you know it, it's time to go home! Taking just 15 minutes for yourself may be asking a lot, but you'll be delighted with the results. And, to help you, here's just a few suggestions on what you can do in those precious minutes.
i Now that I got
all that off my chest, I no longer feel annoyed and I can have a good
day. I'd better run along, there's so much stuff I have to do, I'm just
so busy.
Take care,
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Meanwhile,
team B practised on the slopes under the watchful eye of the coach,
and they were even encouraged to beat their previous times, with enthusiastic
feedback all the way.
Contributing
Columnist Dave Marshall is retired and lives in Spain. Before his retirement
he taught NLP (he's an NLP Master Trainer) and now has a website with
lots of free information on NLP. You can contact Dave at 
CContributing
Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master
Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally.
We
continued then to turn the event into a cartoon movie, starring Fred
Flinstone, BamBam and Peebles. Very appropriate I thought. After a couple
of rounds of cartoons and music, we rechecked his intensity rating which
had fallen to 0 now and he said he couldn't believe what a wonderful
technique this was. He was looking forward to doing the tapping and
movie technique on several other incidents he had listed in his homework
diary!
This
morning I was reading the paper and realized I was getting annoyed.
I stopped reading and thought I'd better figure out what's going on
or I wouldn't enjoy my day. Being annoyed is not a fun way to spend
my time. And, as Alex talks about, "Paying attention to your thoughts
is a good idea because our actions and behaviours spring forth from
our thoughts." So, here I am paying attention to may thoughts and they're
annoying! So, exactly what am I annoyed about? As soon as I asked myself
that question I heard the answer, "Busy."
Well,
a ton of thoughts downloaded in the blink of an eye. I instantaneously
recalled the number of times I had heard a variation of the following,
"I'm so busy." "I've been very busy lately." "I'm too busy." "There
aren't enough hours in the day." "I don't have time to..." It seems
we're all as busy as a bee!
Listen
to music. 
Take
a nap. 
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(C) 2007 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.