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Behaviour
and Intent EFT is an excellent tool for dealing with unwanted emotional responses. It is certainly worthwhile allotting the necessary time and effort to become proficient with its use, and the best way to do that, like anything else, is practise, practise, practise. Now let's fast forward a bit, to that place where you have become quite adept at collapsing unwanted emotional reactions, be it for self, or for others. "Now what?" you may ask. Well, let's create a scenario. Let's assume, for purposes of explaining even more, that you have a co-worker, or you know someone that has an issue with one, and the relationship is not the most conducive for efficiently dealing with the day's workload. I suppose you could begin to recite to yourself, "Lord, give me the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to get rid of because they annoyed me," or begin a round of EFT with the set-up phrase: "Even though I can't wait to finish this stupid tapping business so I can remove this idiot from the planet, I deeply and completely accept myself." Or, you could learn the following. |
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Let's start with the following premise. The person doing that behaviour or action, or displaying that attitude performs every behaviour, attitude or action with a positive, self-serving intent. All humans have needs. We develop various actions, usually referred to as behaviours, to get what we want. Simply put, if we use a behaviour, an action, or develop an attitude that is socially acceptable, then the behaviour or action is classified as functional. On the other hand, if the behaviour or action is not socially acceptable, it is classified as dysfunctional. More often than not, any thought about the intent behind that behaviour is deleted as tempers flare, and the ever-widening gulf continues. So, what can you do about it?
Let's talk about intent for a moment. As stated, it's useful to think of intent as positive as well as self serving, and the secret to beginning a dialogue that is more conducive to resolving the issue is to elicit the intent behind the behaviour, to bring to both party's conscious awareness exactly what that intent is. Once that is achieved, you will be both surprised and delighted you have discovered a way to resolve disputes more easily. This is a talent most top negotiators have. Don't be too surprised to find people seeking our your wise counsel because people that can do that usually find their services in high demand. Next month I will
introduce you to a step by step method of achieving this skill, and
with a little practise, you'll be up and running in no time. Stay tuned!
Editor's Note: Those familiar with EFT know that it is an excellent tool for dealing with phobias. But, long before EFT came along, there was an NLP Phobia Cure, which is equally successful. It never hurts to know more than one way to deal with a situation, so please read on. Tales
From the Front of the Class Eventually, a few days later, having covered the basics, we got on to the Visual-Kinesthetic dissociation technique [otherwise known as the Phobia Cure]. I outlined the process, and then asked for a volunteer so that I could demonstrate it for real. Tracy, a very successful young businesswoman, stood up and said that she had a phobia that she would like to get rid of it. I was quite pleased about this because I had noticed that she found visualization very easy and had been quite successful in the general practice exercises that we had done. I asked Tracy to tell us about the phobia and she explained that it was to do with elevators. She just could not get in an elevator, and as she lived in a penthouse apartment this was most inconvenient. She explained that when she went shopping she would get home, put the shopping in the elevator, send it to the top floor, and she would then walk up the stairs! She told us also that the worst situation she had was when she was booked to do a presentation in a large office block and the venue was on the 20th floor! She put her equipment in the lift, walked up to the 20th floor and waited for the lift to go by! This was a pretty bad thing to have to live with. And so we started the process. Tracy identified a memory of the event that caused the problem. She explained that when she was about seven years old, she was in an elevator with her mother and another young girl. The other girl had lovely long hair and as the lift doors shut, her hair got caught and the motion of the elevator pulled a lot of her hair out. This was a very frightening experience with lots of screaming and blood everywhere. We ran the process, and everything seemed fine. It had been an example straight out of the textbook. And then I did the check - would Tracy be happy to go in lift now? The answer was NO! There was still something, stopping her. This was not supposed to happen, well, not the first time you are running a public practitioner course. Anyway, staying completely cool, calm and collected, I remembered the training that had cost me so much time and money and realized that although we had treated a very serious event, it could not have been the cause. The cause must have been an earlier event. So I explained this to Tracy, and asked her to "Remember a previous event, when she had been in lift and something frightening had happened that was the cause of the phobia". (I said the words so that "remember the cause of the phobia" was an embedded command). And then to everyone's amazement, including me and Tracy, she said she had just, that instant, had a memory of being in an elevator, with her mother, but it was before she was born! (Oh no, I thought, we don't want to get into "past life" processing - that's Master Practitioner level!). Tracy explained that the memory she had was when her mother was going to give birth to her and they had to go in elevator to another floor in the hospital. Her mother was in a bed, accompanied by a nurse, about to give birth to Tracy and the elevator stopped. Her mother became very frightened and panicked and the fear transferred to Tracy, the unborn baby! So, without any more fuss or bother, we ran the process on that event and Tracy changed her behaviour completely. The following weekend, Tracy came back to class and said that the week had been a phenomenal success. Her neighbours had seen her going in the elevator and could not believe it. The fear had totally gone and now she thought elevators were quite good fun. Since then I must have run the V-K dissociation process many, many times for people, dealing with many sorts of fears, from spiders, snakes, heights, dogs, flying, public speaking to dentists and found that, provided you could get the cause of the event, and use the right kind of language structures, it always worked! P.S. Please visit Dave's website at www.nlpman.eu and listen to the podcast of how to do the full NLP Phobia Cure.
You can contact
Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz
Editor's Note: This month Rehana writes about using the NLP technique "Eye Accessing Cues" to help her determine how a client feels depressed and then she applies EFT to help the client feel better. "Depressed" Clients Kathy said that the four boys kept her busy with housework all day long. There was cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing and tidying up to be done and this was a 24/7 job. Tidying the boy's room was more work for her!! She was ready to throw in the towel. Her husband had moved out and Kathy was really in the dumps. This is how the conversation went: R: "What makes
you feel depressed? At this point I showed her how EFT works. She saw the messy rooms in her mind's eye and I tapped on her EFT points. I got her to describe in detail what the mess looked like in her mind. We went over in as much detail as possible and watched her disengage from her feelings of distress and the messy rooms. Kathy went home much happier and with a tool to use immediately. She could hardly wait to try out the 'tapping' in reality.
Berit's
Corner So, what I want to know right now is why did our lovely Indian Summer come to an abrupt end and we now have pouring rain; our girl dog Kaylie may need surgery and Alex's laptop broke... all this on the same day! I don't see anything good in these three events occurring and even when I look back on this (in the future) I will still think it was a lousy day! Sometimes bad things just happen and today was one of those times. Then I remembered that it's THAT time again... Mercury is in retrograde and will be until December 4th. Oh goody, something to blame and it's rather harmless at that. The cool thing is that it makes me feel better. I don't really know what Mercury in retrograde means, but I do know that "stuff" happens and people act a little weird during this time. The other cool thing is it will be over before Christmas! By the time December 4th rolls around, Kaylie will be better, the laptop will be fixed and it might even be sunny... all we need to do is get through the next four weeks without more "stuff" happening. There's been good stuff too! Boxes and boxes of our new CD The Mental Edge for Performance Enhancement were delivered the other day and it looks great. Martin (our webmaster) has made all our CDs into MP3 downloads on our website so please check out our Products section on our site at http://www.dralexlees.com/whatsnew01.html
The EFT Level 2 workshop we did at the end of October was very enjoyable. The atmosphere was relaxed and friendly with the participants displaying a high level of skill. I'm sure some of these people will become excellent EFT Certified Practitioners if they so desire. We're working on the final details re our Mentoring Program and hope to have it up and running in January 2007. The message we are getting loud and clear from many people is that they want to learn the skills, or fine-tune the skills they already have, as an EFT practitioner. And, an ongoing Mentoring Program will do just that. Alex loves teaching and especially teaching people to be practitioners, so he's really looking forward to getting started. Personally I'm
feeling a little off... it's probably due to Mercury in retrograde It's the perfect
time for me to unpack all the boxes from my office. I've been operating
on the bare essentials and whenever I need something I have to rip open
boxes and hope I find what I'm looking for. Sometimes I do, and sometimes
I don't. But, right now I just have to do something else... think I'll
leave unpacking boxes for another rainy day... I know they'll still
be there. The timing just isn't right Take care,
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The
problem is we tend to align or identify with, our behaviours, and most
of the attention, by both parties involved in a disagreement or dispute,
therefore is primarily focussed on the behaviour. This is where
judgements are made, and more often than not, these judgements are verbalized
accordingly, usually adding fuel to the fire.
Contributing
Columnist Dave Marshall is retired and lives in Spain. Before his retirement
he taught NLP (he's an NLP Master Trainer) and now has a website with
lots of free information on NLP. You can contact Dave at www.nlpman.eu
It
seems such a long time ago since I ran my first public NLP Practitioner
program. They were a great bunch of students from many different backgrounds,
a lot of fun and very keen. I had the course very well planned, and
we were having a lot of fun. Everyone was enjoying the material and
discovering lots of new things about themselves and each other that
the first morning that my "plan" ended up taking the whole weekend!
Contributing
Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master
Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally.
What
does one say to a client to convince him/her that their feelings are
being generated by their thoughts? For instance a recent client was
struggling with the state of her house. She was depressed by the fact
that after 20 years of living in the same house, the majority of renovations
and repairs had not been attempted. Most of all she was really distressed
by the state of her children's rooms. Kathy figured that if her kids
tidied up their rooms she would feel less depressed. The mess and chaos
in their rooms was driving her nuts. 
Timing
is everything in my opinion! I believe we do what we do, when the timing
is right. Sometimes we don't understand the timing of events and it's
only with 20-20 hindsight do we finally know that "X" event happened
at the right time, and there was a reason for it happening, when it
did.
Many people have the flu right now, the excitement of Halloween has
passed... thank heaven for that 'cause fire crackers going off all over
the place really bothers the doggies... and people don't seem to have
much energy. Before we all know it we'll have to gear up for Christmas,
so maybe taking it a little easy for now is a good thing.
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(C) 2005/2006 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.