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How
an EFT Master Thinks How an EFT Master Thinks in an EFT Session - Part 1 of 2 Part 1 - Getting Comfortable I thought it might be beneficial to write about how to conduct an EFT session from beginning to end. Everyone has their own style and I'm not suggesting you follow my suggestions to the letter. A more useful idea would be to take my suggestions (the ones you like) and adapt them to your own style. There are certain factors that are common to any psycho-therapeutic encounter and in my 20 years of private practice I have found that helping to make the client comfortable, as quickly as possible, is a good place to start. For example, recently "Alice," a furtive, seemingly shy young woman in her late teens entered my office, and glanced around. Her eyes alighted on me for a second at the most, then quickly moved to the bookcase, then the French doors leading to the garden, and then to the overstuffed chair facing mine. I did the same thing; first a quick glance in her direction, then the bookcase, a quick look at the French doors and then the chair. She was obviously aware of me and stood absolutely still until I'd finished. |
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With a half smile, her head came up, she made eye contact and asked in a shy voice, "Shall I sit here?" gesturing to the chair. "You shall," I responded and gestured towards the chair with the same movement she had used. After Alice sat down, I seated myself across from her and asked her if she found the drive to my office pleasant. Normally, I'm standing when the client enters my office, and let him/her sit down first. This allows for a quick calibration of body language, etc. Then, as I sit, I will either do so in such a way as to match some or all of their body positioning, or do so after we've talked for a few minutes. (Note: This is not rapport per se. By aligning with a client's body positioning, conditions are made more favourable for rapport (trust) to be achieved.) After some sociable exchange, I shifted my body and asked, "How can I help you?" Alice's physical position remained the same. This is simply an indicator that I needed to pace her more. "I don't know," Alice replied, as her eyes danced once more around the room. Now, this is a very common reply from many people. They know they want help, they made the decision to come see me, but now that they're here... their mind goes blank, and they don't have the faintest idea where to start or what to say. Hearing the dreaded words "I don't know," right at the start is less than encouraging, so I knew we had a little more to do before Alice would be comfortable enough to start talking about why she had come to see me. Over the years I have developed several strategies for dealing with the "I don't know" answer. This time I had noticed Alice had licked her lips several times during our brief exchange, so I switched tactics. "I haven't had a break all morning," I said, "Would you care for some tea?" The shift in Alice was instant. "I'm really dry. Nervous, I guess. Yes. Tea would be great." I heard the deep sigh and saw the more relaxed expression on her face as I left to get the tea. "I have a silly question for you," I said, returning with the tray. Alice's eyebrows arched as she looked my way, which is the non verbal equivalent of: "What question?" "I'd be too afraid to be in a canoe," Alice said, licking her lips again. On the one hand, you could surmise that the metaphor, designed to help Alice "sort," didn't work. At the same time, Alice's response gave me a possible clue as to where to begin. "Are you only afraid in canoes?" I asked, "Or are there other areas of your life where fear is a governing factor?" As I asked this question, I once again noticed Alice's eyes would dart up and to her left before answering, indicating that whatever inner file of memories she was accessing was in visual form. "Am I alone in the canoe?" she countered. I noted the choice of words, which can sometimes be quite significant, and other times not. "As alone as you can be," I said, in a soft voice. As the tears began to well up, I quickly moved to her chair, and as I was doing so, said, "I'm going to show you a Tear Busting Technique, then we'll have a look at what's going on." I did a quick shortcut round, and sat down again. "What happened?" asked Alice. "Well, sometimes, as we look at some event, circumstance or situation in our lives, we can also experience the associated bad feelings that are connected in some way." "No, I mean what did you do?" Obviously, Alice preferred to stay in the present, at least for now, so I said, "Oh, that. Most people seek a counsellor or therapist's help to feel better about something or other that has happened to them. The 'buttons' we tapped are like erasure points... kind of like the delete button on a computer." "You mean I could just tap those buttons, and feel better?" she asked incredulously. "Sure," I smiled. "It really works best when you get really specific. Think of a memory that when you... think of it now... makes you feel bad." Alice's eyes once again darted up and to her left, and the tears welled up again. I tapped a short cut round again, and returned to my chair. "Well," she said after a pause, "I feel better now, but what about after I leave?" "Dr. Deepak Chopra said it best..." I responded, looking at her as I paused. "I read some of his books," Alice replied, then added, "What did he say?" "He said," 'The body is the place memories call home.'" I replied, looking at her. Alice's eyes darted up and left once again, then down and to her right. The latter eye movement usually indicates a kinesthetic (feeling) access. "So this tapping business sort of ... cleans house... is that it?" Alice queried after a few seconds. "You're a quick study," I responded with a smile, and she froze solid. "Bye bye to rapport," my few remaining grey cells lamented. "Okay," said my inner voice, "Go where she is (pace again)." "Oops. Seems my complimenting you wasn't the best thing I could have done, was it?" I offered.
"Well, whenever people compliment me, I always wonder that they want," she said, looking around the room. Now, I had to think for a second or two. I'd just heard a global description, also known as a generalization. The key words were people and they, again unspecified. "So," I began, "You have never received a compliment that was real, and everyone has a hidden agenda. Tell me, is that true for all the men and all the women you've ever met?" "Well, I meant guys," she said. "They always want something in return." "You mentioned you would be afraid in a canoe," I said, changing tactics. "I'm wondering if that means you have a fear of water, but then, you also asked if you were alone in the canoe. So, now, I'm really curious. When I talked about the canoe, I noticed you seem to see one in your mind. Tell me, were you alone in the image, or was someone else in the canoe with you?" "He was floating above it." she said quickly, "I just deleted him, like I always do." Again, Alice began to cry. I took her right hand gently, and began tapping the P.R. point, as I had her say, "Even though I'd rather be alone than have him in my canoe, I'm okay, but having him in my life isn't." We then did a quick short cut round using the phrase, "Getting this guy out of my canoe." Halfway through this round, Alice interrupted to say, "I want him out of my head!" "This guy in my head" quickly replaced the previous reminder phrase. I sat down and waited. Alice fidgeted for a while, and then asked, "Can you help me get past this?" Again, her description was not specific, but I felt going too far too fast, that is proceeding more quickly than she was willing to, would simply alienate her.
"And then what happens?" I smiled, "You take care of the visual and auditory part. Me, I'm gonna edit the 'feel bads' as the come up." "Wow," was her only response. Then: "So I tell you what's in the movie, you then pick up on the 'commercials' and you tap me, and they're gone?" "That's the idea," I smiled again, unless you want to book six months of appointments, lie on the couch, and starting with age two, tell me your whole life story." "Let's edit movies," she grinned. So we did.
Special Announcement We
are pleased to announce the formation of the The Association will give everyone interested in EFT a place to gather, share experiences, learn from each other and find out about the latest developments in EFT. Also, and equally important, the Association will set clear standards. Standards are a very important part in the formation of the Association. As many of you are aware we ask for feedback frequently, and we pay attention when we receive it.
Over the years some of the consistent queries from people all over the world have been:
Now these questions will have answers. There will be standards for live workshops, standards for teaching workshops, and standards for becoming an EFT Certified Practitioner. For those that wish to go further in the world of EFT there will also be standards for EFT Trainers and EFT Certified Trainers. The time has come for all of us that are interested in expanding EFT, and helping to make EFT more known throughout the world, to join together in unison, and take EFT to the next level. We have created a logo which we are very proud of and thank the designer Martin VanWoudenberg for its creation. Martin is also busy creating the Association's website. As soon as we have all the content finished we will send you the link. The website will answer many of your questions and we plan to have it finished as quickly as possible. The sections of the website will include:
As we progress with the Association we will be adding new sections and features. We'd also like to see the website become interactive, so one thing we will want to add is a section for people to communicate with each other (a blog). We may have a section called "Ask an EFT Master." We're sure there are lots of great ideas out there and we look forward to hearing from you. Many of you may have questions, and we ask you to save them until after you've seen the website. Hopefully the website will answer most, if not all, of your questions. What we would appreciate at this stage is to hear your thoughts and ideas, for example:
Your input, thoughts and ideas will help us to make the International Association of EFT the best Association it can be. We look forward to hearing from you and invite you to join us in this exciting adventure. Sincerely, The Founders of the International Association of EFT
You can contact
Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz
Bulimia and Bread Four years ago I was sent a client who was suffering from "bouts of bulimia." It was Karen's (not her real name) mother who had been to one of my EFT Workshops and decided that Karen could really benefit from this 'tapping' technique. When we first met, Karen seemed quite confident, however her physical appearance was of a little girl, rather than a 25-year-old. She was dressed in an androgynous fashion. During the first session I gathered details about her life and especially about her eating habits. So, when, where and how did the habit of regurgitating her food come about? The key to Karen's stuffing herself and then throwing up, was bread. Freshly baked bread. Every Sunday morning Karen would go to the local bakery early in the morning when the delicious smells of baking were wafting through the air. She would purchase four loaves of bread as they came out of the oven. Then she would return to her apartment and eat her way through the soft, spongy, fragrant bread. It always made her feel wonderful while she was indulging herself; then she felt terrible and would go to the sink and force herself to throw up! Karen said that her parents had split up when she was a kid and her happiest memories were before that incident. Mum was happy and so was Dad. Mum would bake bread every Sunday morning and Karen would come down to the kitchen and sit with anticipation on the bench waiting for the bread to be done. Mum and she would wait together and it was a very special time for Karen. She loved that time just being with her Mum and enjoying snuggled up with her. When her parents finally split up, Karen had to go live with her Dad and she missed her Mum terribly. Somehow Karen got into the habit of buying fresh bread and wolfing down the whole loaves till she felt sick. The more she missed her Mum the more fresh bread she consumed, never realizing how the feelings of loss and love were tied together. Once we had found the event where Karen's need to gorge on 'comfort' food was coming from, we did several rounds of tapping on:
Karen reported
back to me after four sessions that she was no longer gorging herself
with bread and then throwing it all up. Also, Karen's mother contacted
me and said, "Our relationship has really improved! Karen is much more
open and sharing with me than ever. Thank you!" Berit's
Corner
Now, I admit to being just a titch tired from all this activity! It's time for both of us to take a couple of days off and do nothing... something we're good at doing :-) Take care,
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"Suppose
you were in a canoe, with all of your concerns and worries packed into
various containers, weighing different amounts. You realize the canoe
is too low in the water. Supposing you realized to keep the canoe afloat,
all you had to do is throw the right container overboard, but had to
keep the rest. Which one would you let go of... now?"
I
decided to pace her some more. "Do you like movies?" I asked. Immediately,
Alice was animated, and sat forward. "I love them!" she giggled. "But
what's that got to do with my question?" "Well, if you want, we can
make a movie, over there, on that wall, and we can sit here, nice and
comfortable, and when we get to the commercials (the bad parts) since
you are going to be the director, the producer and the editor, we can
just edit the bad parts." "My girlfriend said you were a bit weird,"
she responded, but now with a twinkle in her eye.
The
aim and purpose in forming the International Association of EFT is to
give EFTers around the world, a voice. A place to share and exchange
ideas. A place to come together and help each other to grow and learn.
A place to make EFT the best it can be. As one of the Founders of the
EFT Association (Dr. Alexander R. Lees) has been saying for the past
six years, "My dream is to have one member of every household in the
world know and use EFT."
Contributing
Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master
Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally.
I
asked her, "Why do you feel so good about eating freshly baked bread?"
Normally
I write about what's happening in the Lees' world, but this month so
much has happened I would end up writing a mini novel! So, I'll just
touch on some highlights:
And,
of course, the most exciting thing to happen in quite a while is...
the formation of an
International Association
of EFT! We've been working on this for a few months now, and are really
pleased to have it at the point where we can share the information with
all of you.
Day
183 of my captivity ... My captors continued to taunt me with
bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps
me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction that
I get from clawing their furniture. Tomorrow I will eat another
houseplant.
I
am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit.
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(C) 2005/2006 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.