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"Ted's"
Story Part 2 As you may recall, in Ted's Story Part 1, he originally came to see me about his abuse of alcohol, a 30 year habit. We dealt with that issue successfully (and rather quickly) and both of us were looking forward to Christmas. It would be Ted's first Christmas in 30 years without alcohol. I looked forward to hearing from him after the holidays because I knew he would be successful. Ted had the courage, strength of will, determination, and as he freely admitted, the help of EFT, to have a terrific Christmas! On Christmas Day 2004, the home phone rang. "Merry Christmas!" I answered on the second ring. After a few moments of silence, a voice said, "No it isn't, I have cancer." It was my turn to be silent, and I gestured to Berit to turn the stereo down. I can only assume the look on my face must have told her something was terribly wrong, or because she belongs to the gender that reads minds, she had just read mine. "Ted?" she mouthed wordlessly, and then I knew who was on the phone. Before I could acknowledge him by name, Ted continued, "I was so dizzy yesterday, I finally fell down. It's kind of a blur after that, but I'm here at the hospital. The doctors told me this morning. Things don't look so good." "I've gotta go," I said to Berit as gently as I could. She replied, "I know, your jacket and the keys are by the door. I put your tea in a travel mug."
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Shortly after my arrival, Ted asked his stricken family to give us a few moments alone. In a faltering voice, he said, "It's scattered throughout my brain. It shows up in the spine. My pancreas and stomach are involved, and there's two black masses in my left lung. Before you ask, they tell me, maybe two weeks, tops." The changes in his spirit, attitude and tone of voice are still painful for me to recall, but I knew one thing clearly; this dynamo of a man was winding down, and quickly. It was one of those moments where you say the right thing and it helps. Say the wrong thing and you get to go from bad to worse very quickly. "Other than that, how's your day?" I offered lamely. Between choking spasms, I could hear indications he wasn't going to order my demise just yet. We did several gentle EFT rounds for the shock of this news, and his fears and concerns for his family. Starting with the P.R. Point on the side of his hand, I verbalized for Ted, "Even though I have cancer spread throughout my body, which is devastating news, I choose to calm my system down." Quite often, this form of approach works as intended, especially if the practitioner inserts a short pause after to... and then states the words: "calm down" slightly differently than the rest of the sentence. The difference can be tone, volume, etc. The technique is referred to as an embedded suggestion. For Ted, the reasons why he could not calm down were triggered instead. This reaction provided the information for the next round. "I'm too scared to calm down," was his response. We immediately did a round using the reminder phrase, "This fear, this fear." "What will my family do?" he then asked. The next round consisted of, starting with the P.R. Point: "Even though I'm concerned for my family, and how they will handle things, I deeply and completely accept myself." The reminder phrase was " This concern for my family." After a few moments Ted spoke about his regrets, the first one being, "If only I'd become sober earlier, I might have noticed all this was happening..." I reached for his hand again, and gently tapped the P.R. Point and had Ted repeat, "Even though I regret not sobering up sooner, and could have possibly noticed something was wrong, I deeply and completely accept myself." The reminder phrase for the remaining points was, "This regret."
Over the next ten minutes or so, Ted spoke about various regrets - lack of time spent with the family being one. I simply heard each one, and tapped the points as he went from one to another. The nurse came in while I was holding his hand. "Going steady?" she inquired, which set off another round of choking spasms, but some colour was returning to his face, and his eyes indicated he was enjoying the moment. The next day's visit was a little more sombre; Ted had an agenda. "Listen doc, I need to sell the house. My wife will need help with that. My first grandson will be born in a few months. There's some business decisions I have to take care of. I need some time. I have to change things so they (the family) can run the business and be OK. If you will help, I'll pay you tobe on call. It's really important to me." It is important for anyone reading this to understand the innate strength of this man. His determination, will power and tenacity had resurfaced, and from his viewpoint, this was now thought of as another challenge. He needed time, there was a lot to do and the diagnosis of two weeks was not enough time. He was scheduled for radiation on Tuesday. After that would come the chemotherapy. His expert team of medical specialists would do their part, and what he needed now was what he called mental support. He made it clear he wasn't interested in discussing or hearing it couldn't be done, but he was congruent, and determined to gain more time. We met frequently, sometimes several days in a row. We tapped for nausea, incontinence, dizziness and no energy. After each treatment, the pattern would be: Ted would verbalize the side affects, and I would tap him for them. Sometimes, we repeated a round when he reported "It's still there," or "It's not all gone." During several of these intense sessions, we used the 9 Gamut procedure before tapping on "This remaining..." We would repeat the rounds, when necessary, until Ted reported he felt better, or simply stated, "I just want to sleep now." Either way, he seemed pleased with the results. As the radiation and chemo continued, so did our sessions. Ted reported the side affects of the medical treatment seemed of less intensity and duration. "Must be getting used to it," he stated on one visit. For whatever the reason, Ted resisted tapping himself. He much preferred I did it for him. On rare occasions I could get him to tap for himself, but only when on the phone. So together, we tapped when his determination faltered, and when he "just didn't feel like going on." We tapped on regrets (especially lack of time with the family over the years), on his belief he was an absent father, and that he missed so many important family moments. His sense of humour was usually quite subtle, but one day he called in an agitated state. A funeral home had called, and inadvertently began discussing funeral arrangements with him before realizing who they were talking to! After a few quick rounds of EFT over the phone, his humour returned with a vengeance and he asked, "Who said, 'The rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated?'" I replied, "Mark Twain." Ted said, "Great. I'll quote that when the family gets here. Should be good for some mileage." Then he hung up. A few days later, I called to check up on him. "My funeral is scheduled for today," he began. "Are you going?" I joked back. "Can't," he responded, "I'm watching that Bleep movie (What the bleep do we know?) that you bought me. Come on over." So I did. By June 2005, Ted had restructured most of his various business concerns. The magnificent house on the ocean was finally sold, and a more suitable one was purchased. His first grandson finally came into the world in July. He held him, and let the tears flow. Slightly less than two weeks had gone by and Ted summoned me to the hospital. "I wrote down one of your quotes," he began, fumbling through his note book, "but I can't find it... something about sailing." "When the anchor is up, all debt's are paid?" I offered. "That's it!" he whispered. Even though his eyes continued to twinkle, we both knew it was time. "I'll be sailing off soon. My family is going to need to spend some time with you. Please remind them we turned two weeks into six months AND two weeks. They're really angry with me for leaving, so tell them. Tell them." Ted fell asleep. I stayed for a while, thinking about our talks and the times we shared, and most of all, the things I'd learned from this remarkable man. When I arrived home, I looked at the note he'd scrawled for me to read: "Just a rather abrupt change in consciousness," it read. After the funeral, one of his sons approached me. "We're going to need some help with all this," he said, "Especially my mom. Can I come see you first thing tomorrow?" And that's when the healing journey for the family began.
You can contact
Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz
The Brick Wall Technique Rehana has highlighted (in blue) the specifics she used with regards to The Art of Delivery in an EFT session. In the first week of January 2006 I received a call from Jackie (not her real name) wanting an appointment as soon as possible. She had to be taken to hospital on New Year's day suffering from acute chest pains. She said it was an angina attack because of the stress she was under from entertaining her family at their traditional New Year's gathering. At the beginning of the session I asked Jackie to tell me what had lead up to the angina attack (information gathering). She recounted that the whole family was at her place and she felt under immense stress having to produce a big festive meal. The stress built up as she felt she couldn't cope and resulted in chest pains. The ambulance whisked her away to hospital. The doctor who examined her said there was nothing the matter with her heart and there was no physical reason for her chest pain. I asked Jackie if there were other times in her life she had felt under stress (getting the client to do a chronological search of events that are related - at this point I introduced the BRICK WALL exercise - see below). Yes, she said that she had felt unduly stressed ALL HER LIFE (generalized state). I asked her if here was any emotional reason for her feeling that way (identify the feelings). "No," she replied, "I always felt stressed and it is a feeling of NOT GOOD ENOUGH. So I asked if there were any special circumstances she felt stressed under (looking for triggers, imprints and SPECIFIC EVENTS). "No," she replied, "I always feel NGE and this is the prevailing feeling in my relationships, first marriage, second marriage, and third marriage! AND with my parents!" (getting closer to the core - going back into childhood events). "What about her parents," I asked (steering in the direction of an early trauma). That's when she vehemently spat it out and surprised both of us. "I've never felt good enough since I was four years old and I'll never forgive my parents for that!" (we had the SPECIFIC EVENT). "Do you want to tell me about it Jackie (doing the movie technique), as it seems quite significant? What would you rate it at out of 10?" (get the client to rate the intensity of feelings about the event) "10!" she replied. She was NEVER GOOD ENOUGH because she compared herself to her sister who had a life threatening disease and was hospitalized frequently. Her parents would ALWAYS stay at the hospital with her sister and never leave her there on her own. From Jackie's 4-year-old perspective she was obviously not good enough if her parents could abandon her at the hospital with her broken arm. Jackie was so surprized at the intensity of her feelings as she remembered this event so vividly. However, after EFT was applied to that incident, she was amazed at how she now saw the incident with a new perspective and non-judgmental attitude towards her parents, sister and self. The session ended with a round of tapping: "Even though my feelings were bruised and broken I forgive my parents for not being able to keep their promise and leaving me at the hospital but they were doing the best they could under the circumstances and I didn't die because of my broken arm!" Brick Wall Technique
Do you have clients who cannot find specific events to work on? They come in with a generalized feeling and can't seem to find any connection with actual events. No matter how hard they try, their specific experiences are not available to them or they cannot make the connection between how they feel and early traumatic events. I use this very simple technique which provides a structure for the client to get involved in and follow through. I call it the Brick Wall. Let's imagine that a client complains of a general state of feeling 'Not-Good-Enough' (NGE). I ask them to imagine their presenting state as if it was a big brick wall. They are invited to view this wall and notice what feelings arise from it. Next I draw a simple illustration of a brick wall. There are a number of rows and each row has a number of bricks (like a spreadsheet). I ask them to imagine that some bricks are representations of negative events in their lives that has contributed to their generalized negative state of NGE. The bottom row in the wall is year one of life and the second row is year two and so on. I ask them to label the bricks. The bricks at the bottom of the wall are obviously from earlier in life. Not all the bricks need to be labeled. I also ask the client to notice how some bricks from the lower rows are related to others in higher rows. It may be a chain of events going up the brick wall, starting from core events or early imprints from conditioning and upbringing. What does the client need to knock down this NGE wall? The wall can be high, solid and unmovable. I explain the logic of removing a couple of bricks from the bottom rows thereby weakening the wall considerably. Each brick the client treats with EFT weakens the structure of the mental schema and uncouples learned responses. The client gets to reprogram the brain by changing the biochemistry associated with the learned pattern of NGE. I ask the client
to imagine the bricks as events, the wall as the generalized state and
EFT as the pneumatic drill, which is going to knock out the bricks,
thereby weakening the wall and collapsing it. This is usually done quite
effortlessly!
Women
everywhere will want to know this information! "I just thought I'd pass this little bit of info along. I have found that I can use EFT to stop my horrid hot flashes by tapping as soon as I feel one coming on. They calm down and disappear in a matter of about ten seconds. I am at the stage now where I only have to use two tapping points, collar bone and underarm, to have an effect. I started with the full set-up and full tapping, but now only need the two points when these happen. Thanks for helping to make my menopausal life much more comfortable!"
Top Ten Things only Women Understand:
Berit's
Corner As many of you are aware, Alex has had a successful private practice for 20 years and has been presenting seminars & workshops for the past 16 years. To say we're busy is a bit of an understatement, but we managed to do everything that needed doing and life was good! Then in November, Gary Craig (founder of EFT) announced that Alex was one of the first (of six) to receive the designation of EFT Master, and he was the only one in Canada. The flood gates opened and the emails and phone calls came pouring in. By Christmas we were receiving hundreds of emails weekly and it hasn't stopped since! Currently Gary's newsletter, EFT Insights, goes out twice a week to 70,000 people! That's quite an accomplishment and it means that EFT is becoming more known each day. And we're very pleased to be part of the exciting journey and evolution of EFT. Speaking of the evolution of EFT... we conducted our first international Art of Delivery - Adding NLP to EFT Workshop at the end of January. I say "international" because half of the participants were from outside the Lower Mainland... people came from Texas, Georgia, Idaho, New Jersey, Washington, Ontario and the UK! We were quite the cosmopolitan group. We also had a very special guest - Dr. Wyatt Woodsmall. He is the gentleman who trained Alex as an NLP Trainer and certified him as an Certified International NLP trainer. Wyatt came all the way from Washington, DC to see what Alex was up to with EFT and NLP. He liked what he saw and gave us some very useful feedback. We're going to implement Wyatt's suggestions and are looking forward to our next Art of Delivery workshop! Some of the participants, especially the ones arriving at the Canada/USA border crossing by car, did not receive a "welcome" to Canada. After much discussion and a few phone calls, the people were finally "allowed" into Canada. It seems the Canadian border guards have a name for these people - Foreign Nationals (we called them FNs). One of the workshop participants, Mary Robson, who owns a lovely B & B in White Rock took pity on the "foreigners" in our midst and organized a party for them on the Saturday night. All the FNs were invited. Mary has a beautiful home and provided a sumptuous feast for all of us to enjoy. We had a great time and thank Mary for her generous and gracious hospitality. Maybe when we do our next big workshop we can all have a fun filled evening - FNs and Canadians alike. Alex and I believe Mary did a great job of making the "foreigners" feel welcome in Canada! The following weekend we did an EFT level 1 workshop and again the feedback was terrific. It's such a delight for me to see the comments people made on the feedback sheets about how wonderful Alex is - but I draw the line at calling him "Sir" or "Mister Master" or any of the other titles he conjures up. He's still "What's his name" to me :-) Now, the dust has settled as far as workshops are concerned (for a few weeks) and we are focussed on what's coming up. We have EFT Level 2 and 3 workshops planned, plus Alex will be presenting a special workshop called Belief Systems on March 11th. The workshop is sponsored by Sheryl Stanton and you can view the details on her website at www.wholeenergyhealing.com Besides the upcoming workshops, Alex continues full time with the private practice (about 40% is now phone clients) and I'm busy with answering emails and phone calls, plus all the other "stuff." And, in our spare time (what there is!) we are in the process of looking for a new house and moving. It seems the busier we are, the more we do. The great thing is that it's all positive and fun! You may have noticed the special announcement coming in the next edition of Reflections... it's something really exciting, and we can't wait to tell you all about it... but you have to wait until the end of February :-) Take care,
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Contributing
Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master
Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally.
Jackie
said that when she was 4, she fell out of her Grandmother's apple tree
and broke her arm. The hospital was a 2-hour drive away and since her
parents didn't have a car, the neighbors drove them all to the hospital.
At the hospital Jackie's parents told her that they would return in
a few hours and take her home with them. Her parents never showed up
that day and to add insult to injury, sent another friend to pick her
up from the hospital the following day. She had cried when the nurses
told her that her parents were not coming to get her that day. Jackie
was very upset and angry with her parents for 'lying' to her.
She never forgave them for it and since then always felt that she was
NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.
We
started 2006 with a bang! The weather was so dreary... a record was
set for the most rainfall in one month - ever! With grey skies and lots
of pouring rain outside, we stayed inside and focussed on work.
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(C) 2005/2006 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.