Volume 13, No. 1 January 2006 Time For Change Upcoming Seminars Good Karma Special Bonus Design Your Future Berit's Corner Two Dogs, Not Two Wives

Time for a Change by Dr. Alexander R. Lees It's the start of a brand new year and for many people their thoughts turn to making changes, doing things differently; some sort of self improvement. Some people want to deal with weight loss, alcohol consumption and other behaviours they don't like, or aren't healthy. There are programs available to help with these issues and many people have been successfully treated. Besides these programs, there's also something we all know about... EFT! We thought that reading about how EFT helped with a 30 year addiction might be encouraging for anyone, especially at this time of year, a time for new beginnings. Happy New Year! Please Note: I've highlighted in blue the parts that pertain to EFT: The Art of Delivery in hopes that it will help you with your art of delivering EFT. Once in a very long while a person comes into my office that is special, very special. "Ted" was such a man. I can't explain why we connected (we're both very different men) but we did connect. Knowing him was a privilege. I'd like to share the time Ted and I spent together, with you. Ted was 60 when we first met, back in late September of 2004. Obviously in good physical condition, he spoke with pride about his adherence to regular exercise, proper diet, and keeping his mind sharp. And, he informed me he had several members of his staff keep him informed of global issues that would affect his various business enterprises.

The presented issue was alcohol abuse, an abuse of 30 years duration. I quickly learned from Ted's responses that trying to entrain him in a discussion about the reasons for this (that is the use of alcohol as a form of self medication to suppress unresolved emotional issues) was fruitless. Also, any attempt I made to discuss his relationship with his wife and children, was also quickly dismissed. In spite of these handicaps, we found a way to continue. "Now," he said suddenly, "What exactly does a therapist do?" At this point, I realized at least one of the reasons he was a very successful businessman. His entire being had changed in a microsecond, his manner was more abrupt, and I felt two laser beams boring into my skull. He presented a very powerful presence indeed. "Depends," I responded, holding his gaze. "On?" was his only verbal response, but the eyes (unblinking) remained focussed. "What the problem is," I replied. At the same time I'm thinking, my tea strategy isn't going to work this time (sometimes when I need to gather myself or think on my feet, I go and get a cup of tea as a diversion). I also thought that if I played chess with this guy, I'd lose, and rather quickly. "You might do," Ted replied after a pause, and relaxed a bit, allowing his gaze to begin scanning my book case. "My family says I drink too much," was offered as the laser beams returned. When Ted said, "My family thinks..." he was dissociated, meaning he was one step removed. This can mean several things, but my main focus at this moment was to find out if Ted "owned" the problem, or, in his mind, felt his family did. Depending on how he responded, I might gain an insight into his level of commitment, or even discover he was just going through the motions to placate his wife and family. Ted continued with, "What, if anything, can you do about it?" "Get a new family?" I responded. This time he laughed, and settled back into the couch, so I followed up with, "Do you think you do?" "Probably," was the vague reply. "What do you know about business?" was his next thrust. Interesting. This response suggested (somewhat) that Ted agreed with his family's concerns, but also suggested he wasn't yet comfortable enough to begin dealing with it, so he changed subjects. Had he been more congruent, I would have introduced EFT at this point. Because of the change in breathing pattern (shallower), I decided to pace him a little longer. Pacing is a word referring to meeting the client in their model of the world, their way of thinking about things. Another way of saying this is I continued to establish rapport with Ted. At this point, I was not trying to affect or change anything. "I know there's not much percentage in alienating a family, there's no profit in investing in a stress reliever that costs so much, with such diminishing returns, and if you found a viable alternative, that actually pays dividends, you'd probably invest some time in exploring it." "Novel," was his one word reply. "The last guy wanted to analyse my childhood. You don't bother with that?" Upcoming Seminars EFT: The Art of Delivery EFT & NLP Combined Jan. 27, 28, & 29, 2006 Includes Special Bonus View Details at: www.EFTandNLP.com EFT Approved Level 1 February 4, 2006 View flyer for details EFT Approved Level 2 March 25 & 26, 2006 View flyer for details EFT Approved Level 3 May 26, 27 & 28,2006 Details coming in early 2006 At this part in the conversation, Ted is describing what "the last guy wanted..." This phrasing suggests Ted didn't want to do this, but the counsellor did. It further suggests he still does not want to proceed this way. To insist on going down 'memory lane' would only serve to display inflexibility on the practitioner's part. "Unless you can think of something way back then, that caused you to drink alcohol now, I don't feel the need to trip down memory lane," I said. I am now testing Ted's belief systems. Also, by making a statement like the one above, which again is pacing him, I'm on the alert for any indicators of compliance, so we can move towards resolving the issue, as opposed to staying in a general discussion. After a rather quick explanation of the 'stress busting' buttons, Ted asked, "Good. What do you have in mind?" I purposely introduced EFT by calling it 'the stress busting buttons' to match Ted's model of the world, Ted's way of thinking about things. He could easily relate to the word stress, but resisted any inferences to the word emotions. Also, since most of Ted's sentences were brief and to the point, I tailored my responses to match accordingly. Then, I asked for specifics, such as when and where did the need for a drink came up. Ted thought for a moment and then said he wanted a drink nearing the end of a business meeting and he had many such meetings in a week. The first EFT round was applied on "Nearing the end of a business meeting." We isolated four distinct times a week, and, starting with the P.R. Point, I had Ted repeat: "Even though the need for a drink becomes strong as I near the end of Tuesday's meeting, I deeply and completely accept myself." He repeated this phrase three times. I then tapped the short cut points using a reminder phrase, "This need for a drink." We used the same phraseology for the remaining three meetings, again starting each individual round with the P.R. point, and an appropriate reminder phrase for the rest of the points. Then I sat down and waited. Visibly more relaxed, Ted had gone 'inside' for a while, so I just continued to wait. Quite often, and especially when someone first experiences EFT, there can be a tendency to 'go inside' when the round is completed. These quiet moments are part of the sorting process, and it is very useful for the practitioner of EFT to respectfully remain silent. By doing so, the client has a chance to reflect and notice any changes that are occurring. This can help to integrate and stabilize those changes. More often than not, conditions are now favourably set for any aspects to surface. "I don't really like going home," he said after a while. "My wife and I are sort of strangers, existing in the same house." Here Ted is sharing another aspect of the presented problem; another piece of the puzzle, as it were. I thought about that for a while. I saw no point asking him if he thought his work schedule and all the long hours had anything to do with it, and there seemed no point in suggesting he was married to a mistress called making money, and that this was the priority in his life. I sensed this subject had been beaten to death many times over in their conversations, without any resolutions, and so each had learned to compensate in their own way. "So, walk me through the front door of your home. When you get there, what happens?" I asked. As Ted watched the movie inside his head of stepping out of the car, unlocking the front door, I observed him carefully. As soon as his facial expression began to change (specifically, the lips thinned, the eyes narrowed, and his upper body stiffened slightly; all indicators of moving into an emotionally charged state), I simply interrupted his narration, and queried him as to what he was experiencing inside his body. After zeroing in on how he felt within a few minutes of trying to verbally engage his wife, Ted went quiet for a moment or two, and then said, "Anger." I began tapping his P.R. point, and had him repeat: "Even though when I go home after a hectic day and see the look on my wife's face and become angry, I deeply and completely accept myself." This was repeated three times, and we then tapped the rest of the points using the reminder phrase "This anger, this anger." 'It's frustrating, you know. Usually, I guess because I'm so used to it, I give up and go and pour myself a drink." We followed that up with a round for "This need for a drink because he was frustrated," and then with a round on "This unfairness," and "This lack of intimacy." I will now fast forward through several visits spaced at once a week for a month or so, simply because Ted made it clear he wanted to talk, to unload, and would "rent my time," if I would simply listen. I managed to 'interfere' and do some EFT closer to December, as Ted mentioned he really felt the need to get "blotto" for the holidays. He said, the family would be making all kinds of plans and organizing get-togethers without him, even if he was around, and expressed an interest in joining them. We tapped on the feelings of isolation and loneliness. The first round using the reminder phrase "This feeling of isolation," didn't really do much, so we did the round again, this time starting with the P.R. Point, and tapping continuously on it, I had Ted say out loud: " Even though I'm completely justified in feeling isolated by the family I work so hard to support, I deeply and completely accept myself." This was repeated three times, then we moved on to the rest of the points, and tapped them using the reminder phrase "This feeling of isolation." We quickly followed this same format, only this time using the phrase "Even though I feel lonely when the family makes plans that don't include me, I deeply and completely accept myself." Ted balked about saying "I deeply and completely accept myself," this time, so we substituted "Even though I feel lonely when the family makes plans that don't include me, I'm okay, but this loneliness sucks." This new phrasing was easily repeated twice more, using the P.R. point, and we then did the rest of the points using the reminder phrase, "This feeling of loneliness, this loneliness." I then reframed the event as the family offering a test, the test being to find out if he could handle the pressure of the holidays without alcohol. What seemed to lock this in for him, was the mention of the fact that he now knew this, and the family didn't. A reframe is simply a word describing the process of offering another way of interpreting an event, circumstance, or situation more usefully. The one the client accepts is the 'right' one. As a testament to his determination and desire, Ted was successful in his efforts to give up alcohol. On those occasions when Ted was open to using EFT, or more specifically, having it applied, he seemed genuinely comfortable in repeatedly stating, "EFT made it easy to abstain from alcohol." When the stress became too much, Ted would simply find an excuse to be by himself, and tap on, "Even though I need and want a drink right now, I deeply and completely accept myself." He would then do a quick round using the reminder phrase, "This need for a drink, this need for a drink." Some days, this was done many times, on other days, perhaps once or twice. Ted also reported that as time went by, the urge to drink reduced in intensity, and so did the frequency of how often the feeling of wanting/needing a drink took hold of him. The next delight was when he reported that some of the old "triggers" didn't evoke the need at all! One of the things that helped my increasing admiration of this man was his steadfast and often verbalized, "Emotions have nothing to do with any of this. You people have it all wrong. This tapping business just somehow makes it easier, but I feel the same." He was becoming an interesting study indeed! Our thanks to Robert Harris (in Spain) for sending us the following. It is a message from the Dalai Lama for everyone (regardless of faith or religion) for the coming year. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. Follow the three Rs... - Respect for self - Respect for others, and - Responsibility for all your actions. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. Spend some time alone every day. Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality. Be gentle with the earth. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon! Contributing Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT Master and NLP Master Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally. You can contact Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz or visit her website at www.behaviourchanges.com Design Your Future A step by step guide to having the future you want! Remember the saying 'if you fail to plan, you plan to fail'? Here is a simple and fun way to plan your future by programming your brain to filter for and seek out experiences you desire. By being clear about what you want and acting as if it were a certainty before it's a reality, your subconscious has a plan to follow! Use this NLP/EFT process to design and create what you want in your future. THREE STAGES: Stage One: Imagine what it would be like if you could not fail, as if success is the only option possible! Write an article or report on yourself and your achievements and date it Dec. 2006. Write as if the future has already been achieved, you are already there and looking back to the time of writing. This means that you use present time terms. Describe the experience of being there, describe your accomplishments in detail, and the impact you are having. Make the article as sensory descriptive as possible. Refer to your feelings, emotions, sights and sounds in relation to the events you describe. Describe your work relationships, the influence you are having and the things that have surprised you. While you are creating the future, note which achievements you feel 'uncomfortable' with. This will point to a psychological reversal. Use EFT here after rating the 'uncomfortable' and tap on it. Do a few rounds of tapping till the discomfort comes down. Bring the number down as close to '0' as possible. Notice how much easier it is to make it part of your imaginary achievement now. $ Do this with any/all the imaginary achievements you are having trouble with. Stage Two: Describe the issues that you had to deal with along the way. Describe those that were difficult that tested your skill and patience. Describe the changes and improvements you made and what you have learned. Describe what went well and what was challenging. Again if you have problems imagining your success in dealing with imagined challenges, apply EFT and tap on the 'uncomfortable' feelings till they are discharged. Stage Three: Complete the article with what you believe the immediate future holds (from Stage One). This is most effective when written down. Make it physical by having a written document. Use graphs, pictures, mind maps and colour, stimulating your senses and increasing your ability to easily recall and act on what you have decided upon. Stretch your imagination where you can. If you are undecided, create several different versions of 2006 then choose the one that is most you. Try creating versions that are beyond what you logically believe you can achieve, and be inspiring. Should you find clarifying what you want challenging, consider listing the outcomes you don't want down the left-hand column of a blank page. Then describe their exact (wants) opposite in the right hand column. This will assist you to reveal the hidden intention listed in your 'don't wants'. Your sabotaging beliefs will become quite clear when you see them written in the left-hand column. Work on each item and create your set-up statements from the opposite column. Rate the negative feelings and apply EFT on them. When there is little or no resistance left, move on to the next item. Having created your vision act it out from the start. Talk it up as if it is a certainly. If any internal voice speaks up or a negative picture appears, take the opportunity to tap on it till it no longer holds your vision back. Make it so real that you and others can experience it. Program your mind-body to filter for and create the experiences that you want. Now... go ahead and have a great 2006! EFT: The Art of Delivery Workshop EFT & NLP Combined January 27, 28 & 29, 2006 We are offering a Special Bonus! And Good News... there are still a few seats left! There will be a follow-up teleseminar one month after the workshop. The teleseminar is open to all participants that attend the workshop. And, there will be NO Charge for attending. This will be an excellent opportunity to take what you've learned at the workshop out into the real world, practise and practise some more, and then ask any questions you have, or discuss situations you've encountered that you would like help with. To take advantage of this special offer please register by January 13, 2006. To register online: http://www.dralexlees.com/seminars01.html Berit's Corner Welcome 2006! It's the start of a brand new year and we're looking forward to it. It's interesting that at the beginning of a new year we can think back and reflect on all the things that happened in the past year, and at the same time, look forward to all the great things coming up. I'm in a bit of a quandary... do I look back, or look forward? Think I'll do a bit of both... that suits my Gemini nature :-) Looking back feels good 'cause we had a great year! Our puppy Ty came into our life in February, and he's such a darling. He's only 40 lbs. and has the attitude of a dog three times his size! Alex went to San Francisco for the EFT Masters workshop and is now officially an EFT Master. We had several house guests during the summer and Ty had a good time barking at everyone. When my friend Tamara arrived... Ty barked non stop for five hours after she arrived! Tamara being the lovely lady she is, didn't get annoyed, she just spoke louder so I could hear her :-) We didn't know the secret of how to make him stop barking! Rehana, our friend from New Zealand is a real doggie lover (bless her heart) and she knew the secret... bribe the little fella with food. Amazing, Ty was eating out of her hand in no time! Once the summer fun was over, we got down to work. Alex saw clients (the private practice is still full time) plus did our workshops on weekends. By the time Christmas came around Alex was pooped (and so was I) and we needed a rest. So we took some time off during the holidays and celebrated the successful year we had! One of the things that stands out for me from the past year is my friends... my girlfriends. I feel truly blessed to have some dynamite women in my life and I cherish our times together. The thing I love most about these women is that we laugh together, and boy, do we laugh! Two of my friends are in different countries, so I thank the people that invented "Skype." Using Skype I can talk for as long as I want, and it's free... doesn't get much better than that! Looking forward, we have some good stuff to look forward to! We are excited about our upcoming workshops. They are going to be in a new location, a lovely hotel, with a great seminar room. Lunch will be included in the workshop fee, and there's a lovely landscaped roof top garden where people can go to relax during breaks. And, all our workshops are going to be filmed and the DVDs will be available for sale. Our first EFT Level 3 workshop will be in late Spring and we're hoping that the graduates will become EFT Certified Practitioners. There will be a new section on our website for both EFT Practitioners and EFT Certified Practitioners. Plus, we're going to be doing more teleseminars. Alex really enjoyed the first one we did, and judging from the feedback, people would like more also! To listen to the teleseminar click here. The workshop EFT: The Art of Delivery (EFT & NLP Combined) at the end of January will be the first in a series of workshops. There's lots to learn and again judging from the feedback, there's a lot of people that want to learn about the Art of Delivery. One of the big bonuses of learning this information is that it also helps with your everyday communication skills with partners, family, friends and colleagues! Details of what you will learn can be found at www.EFTandNLP.com And, that's just some of the "stuff" we're looking forward to in the first five months of 2006! Please keep in touch with your phone calls and emails. We may not always get back to your right away, but eventually we do. We really appreciate hearing from you, and as a lot of you know, we listen to your feedback... and of course, we love to hear all the nice things you say about Alex, and especially our workshops. Your feedback really makes it all worthwhile! We hope you all had a great Christmas and that Santa spoiled each and every one of you! Now, please go out there into the brand new year and get excited about all the stuff you have to look forward to! Take care, Till next month... Reasons why men are more likely to have 2 dogs and not 2 wives (dog owners know this stuff)... The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor. A dog's parents never visit. Dogs do not hate their bodies. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. Dogs seldom outlive you. Dogs can't talk. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. Another man will seldom steal your dog. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?" If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just think it's interesting. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck. And, last but not least: If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

(C) 2005/2006 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.