Volume 12, No. 10 November 2005 "Sorting" Amazing Simple Home Remedies Weight Loss and EFT Upcoming Seminars Beauty Tips Berit's Corner

"Sorting" by Dr. Alexander R. Lees In this edition, I'd like to talk about some other aspects of "sorting information." Knowing a little more about how human beings sort, or structure their conversation, enables a practitioner to match the client even more closely. One of the main focal points of NLP is to discover how people do things. Finding out how people do things is one of the differences between NLP and conventional psychology. Interestingly, when people first hear or read something like this, some will automatically hear that one modality is in some way superior or inferior to the other. When this occurs, you have a perfect example of a generalization at work, and it is that out of awareness generalization that gives birth to any argument or debate that may occur. We have explored generalizations before, but, since they have a tendency to sneak up on us, possibly reeking havoc on what might have been a rather civilized conversation, it might be useful to unpack this one. To begin with - if one is superior, or inferior, to the other, we must first set a finer reference frame. An excellent place to start is by asking, and answering, when, where, under what circumstances? Is one better or worse than the other all the time? Is there never a time, are there no examples, that could challenge one being more useful than the other? One way human beings sort data is through filters known as generalizations. Again, this is one way we do so. Another way we sort data can be categorized into four distinct groups.

When we sort for sameness the question might be: "How is EFT similar to acupuncture?" When we sort for differences the question might be: "How is EFT different than acupuncture?" When we sort for sameness with exception, we sort for sameness primarily, and once that is clarified, we then are curious in the contrast or differences. The question might be: "I know how EFT and acupuncture both address acupuncture points (sameness), but what is the difference between them that makes the difference?" (Is there an exception?) When we sort for difference with exception, we sort for differences primarily, and once that is satisfied, we are then curious about similarity. The question might be: "So, EFT is not psychology (difference) but do you obtain similar (sameness) results?" The idea is to learn these four categories, and then begin to integrate this new knowledge by noticing, perhaps by paying attention (in general conversations) when and where they are being used. Once you begin to integrate, you can then apply this knowledge to an EFT session, namely phrasing your response to match . Back to generalizations, in the form of a question. Once you have determined which category a particular individual just used, does that mean everyone uses the same categories of sorting information all the time? If so, you can now pigeonhole them as a category 1,2,3 or 4, and as soon as you do that, I get to say, "ALL of you that do that are always wrong all the time!" :-) Please remember the same rule applies when learning about these four categories as it does regarding generalizations. The rule is this: We need to remember that the category we notice being used simply tells us what's going on relevant to context, that is it's relevant to the subject under discussion, at that moment. Before you generalize and come to believe he or she sorts this way, and he or she sorts that way, realize we need to know which subject is being sorted, etc. Does that mean these "sorting" rules depend on context? Of course! So, when you find yourself in an EFT session, and you have begun to integrate the preceding information, you will begin to enjoy the benefits of a more finely tuned ear. Matching the answer you offer to a question posed by the client's "sorting" pattern with a sameness, or differences response will speed up the process of rapport building. And, as you are no doubt aware, being in rapport with the client allows for magic to happen, and change can begin more easily! Amazingly Simple Home Remedies 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed. 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away. 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink. 4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are; you only need two tools: If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. Guest Columnist Contributing Columnist Rehana Webster (in New Zealand) is an EFT and NLP Practitioner, and also conducts seminars/workshops internationally. You can contact Rehana at webstar@ps.gen.nz or visit her website at www.behaviourchanges.com Weight Loss and EFT The approach I take with any addiction is to not deal with the symptoms and instead, deal with the problem generating the symptom. At the first gathering of a new weight loss group last month, I asked them the standard questions, such as "How long have each of you been trying to lose weight?" and "What was preventing you from doing so?" I then asked them to focus on the feeling just before they eat the forbidden fruits and the feeling immediately upon having done the deed. Once the feelings were verbalized, we got to work on tapping. Jan who was a member of this group told me that she loved to eat butter with almost everything. Like a ritual she would put a TABLESPOON of butter on her porridge every morning. Then she would liberally spread butter all over her toast making it soggy and difficult to pick up. At dinner time butter would be put on all the vegetables in great big slabs.Even a slice of roast beef would be buttered. Upcoming Seminars EFT and NLP Combined Jan. 27, 28, & 29, 2006 EFT Approved Level 1 February 2006 EFT Approved Level 2 March 2006 EFT Approved Level 3 May 2006 Watch this space for details of upcoming workshops in 2006 Happily, Jan was pretty aware of her emotional affair with butter. Her parents had been well-off when Jan was young, and then quite drastically they were without an income and things really changed in their household. All of a sudden the family switched from eating butter to margarine! Jan told us that she hated the dreaded white, tasteless and insipid 'margy'. Butter reminded her of the 'rich' times when her parents were happy, and so was she. Butter was beautiful, golden and delicious. Since a couple of failed marriages, and a few failed relationships, Jan has been having a love affair with butter. It gave her the gratification she longed for. It took her back to a time when life was good. She felt special and comforted when she ate butter and, of course, what a way to start the day but with a dollop of butter in porridge! I got Jan to tap on the 'change-over' event from butter to margarine. She made up a long list of events that were negative and tied into the 'margy'. Jan tapped on her feeling related to butter: "Even though butter makes me feel rich and loved, it's not good for my body now." "Even though the taste of butter comforts me and reminds me of my grandmother, I can give it up for my health." The next approach I got Jan to try was tapping alternatively on butter and margarine: "I hate margarine… because it tastes terrible and reminds me of loss." "I love butter… because it tastes wonderful and reminds me of being special and loved." This worked well for Jan because after having tapped several times using the shortcut protocol, the rating for both butter and margarine were down to 0. The proof is in the butter, so to say... Jan had brought a pound (kilo) of butter with her to the Weight Loss Group meeting, and she proudly announced that she felt NO desire to cut a slice of butter and munch on it. The following week she reported, "I have NO DESIRE to put butter on my porridge!" She told us she wanted to test it further and put a half TEASPOON into her porridge that morning, and did not get the same satisfaction as she had before. In fact, Jan has not put butter on anything else either! Jan has been freed from her emotional attachment with butter and is on her way to losing her excess weight. Beauty Tips... Some wise words from a woman who was beautiful right to the end of her life! By Audrey Hepburn For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. . For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. . For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. . For poise, walk with knowledge; you'll never walk alone. . People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, . revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Never throw out anybody. . Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, . you'll find one at the end of your arm. . As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, . one for helping yourself, the other for helping others. . . The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, . the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. . The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, . because that is the doorway to her heart, . The place where love resides. . The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, . but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. . It is the caring that she lovingly gives, . The passion that she shows, . And the beauty of such a woman with passing years only grows. . Berit's Corner "Thank You!" For those of you that are a lot younger than I am, you may not remember, or even know of Audrey Hepburn. I remember her very well, and have seen all her movies (more than once). Audrey Hepburn was unique. Besides giving us wonderful movies, some of which are classics... The Nun's Story, My Fair Lady, Charade and Breakfast at Tiffany's... she also was a humanitarian. She became a Special UN Ambassador for UNICEF and travelled the world to help children, especially in Africa. She didn't do this to promote a movie or get publicity, she did it because she genuinely cared and wanted to help. Close to the end of her life, and in failing health, she was still going to Africa to be with the children. Seeing news clips of her at that time brought tears to my eyes. Her physical beauty was still very much evident. At the same time, the ravages of her disease (she had cancer) could also be seen, but that didn't diminish the radiance shining from her face. I guess you can tell from the above that I greatly admire this woman, and when she passed away I was truly sad. A bright light had been distinguished, and now the world could only see her beauty in her films. Audrey Hepburn was my idol when I was growing up. To me, she fully represented the words "classy lady." When I came across the words she had written about beauty I wanted to share them with you. Many have written about her thoughts, feelings and ideas, but I found her words held a special resonance. Audrey Hepburn exemplified the term, "she walks the talk." She was beautiful, both inside and out! Now, you maybe wondering why there's a photo of me (age 17 at my high school grad)... yes, that's me! I dug around in my photo collection (many, many boxes; I've been taking pictures since I was 11 yrs. old) looking for this particular photo. Why this photo? I remember that night (over 40 yrs. ago) for many reasons (it was a great night!). But the one memory I especially cherish is... when my boyfriend Brian came to pick me up for the party, he took one look at me and said, "You look just like Audrey Hepburn!" Well, I could have kissed him (actually I did) and then spent the rest of the evening on Cloud 9. Brian's comment was, and is to this day, one of the nicest things anyone has said to me. Imagine, someone thinking I looked like Holly Golightly! Wow! Of course, I don't look like that now… especially on the outside! But I believe that our external beauty does come from within, so I'm OK with looking physically different now because I also know that there's a little bit of Holly inside me all the time, and she peeks out now and then. To all you ladies out there, I hope you have someone inside of you that comes out to play. And, hopefully she comes out often! Think I'll go and listen to "Moon River" for a bit, let the song play in my head and that will help my Holly to come out and play more often. Thank you Audrey! Till next month, take care.

(C) 2005 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.