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The
Doors to Rapport As many of you may be aware, I recently attended the EFT and Serious Diseases workshop in Bellevue. One of the things Gary Craig (Founder of EFT) and I discussed over dinner was the combining of NLP and EFT. This is the first article where we will explore combining NLP techniques with the application of EFT. One of the bonuses of learning some NLP is that you can apply your knowledge to your everyday communications with loved ones, friends and colleagues, as well as make your application of EFT even more elegant. I have observed many "masters" in the healing professions at work, and I began to discover certain patterns exist in their approach, and that learning the patterns can be similar to discovering there is a map for the territory, that there are pathways through the Mindfield. All journeys begin with a first step, and each step leads to another and so on, until the journey is completed. The only variables are when, and how. To unpack how
they do what they do, I propose we start by exploring what they
do, so that others can begin to generate their own maps, their own pathways
that lead to elegance. We will discover on this journey of learning
that there are many parts, or steps along the way. This article will
mention or unpack a few of these for you, and if the resulting feedback
suggests interest, more articles will follow. |
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Step one is Rapport. As a matter of fact, rapport should be considered a prerequisite. Rapport is a precursor to trust, or the glue that holds everything together. Another metaphor for rapport is "The Golden Thread" that links a conversation together.
Rapport can be established in a variety of ways. Some books on the subject advocate matching the other person's body language, facial expressions, voice tonality, rhythm and volume, and word patterns. Any of these can be combined, or used alone, and once an individual decides to practise and integrate this ability you will be surprised and perhaps delighted to discover how much more easily the conversation can flow. Here is a short list of examples, just to give you an idea.
Another important extension of the concept of rapport is a process called pacing and leading. Practising the steps to rapport allows the practitioner of EFT to enter the client's model of the world (pacing) more easily, which in turn allows for a fuller understanding of the problem presented. Once this step is achieved, (rapport) the practitioner would then "test" By offering a solution, namely tapping "out" the blocking emotion, or tapping "in" the resource required (lead). Pace and lead is also an excellent way to "test" for rapport itself. The practitioner can match some aspect of the client's body language, etc. (pace) and then subtly adjust the personal physiology or voice speed, tone or volume, and then notice if the client also makes an adjustment (leading). If the client does so, rapport is established. If the client does not, this is simply feedback for the practitioner to continue to establish rapport (pacing) and test again by leading. Rapport, pace and lead can also take other forms. For instance, the practitioner of EFT has been listening to the client, and then might interject by stating the problem presented in a succinct form, and then add, "And I assume this is what you would like to change," or any other statement suggesting, "Let's work on that." If the client indicates acceptance, rapport, pace and lead have been successful. If the client answers, "Yes, but… " and continues to offer further information, the practitioner may then decide to pace (listen) further, and then test again in the same way: Namely offer a succinct statement referring to the problem, and another request to begin change work. The above is but a small representation of some of those factors that influence the quality of the delivery of EFT, and the quality of communication in general. Hopefully it will allow the curious student to realize that all communication, and the Art of EFT, have a structure, and therefore it is learnable So, for those that
wonder "How do these 'masters' do what they do?" please begin to incorporate
the above information into your application of EFT, and who knows, perhaps
one day, others will ask the same question of you... "How do you
do what you do?" You will also be well on your way to greatly improving
your communication skills and some of you may become an EFT Master!
As a University of B.C. graduate, he used to work as a Canada Customs Officer, stopping Americans to search for drugs and guns. But Jeff Hancock could never tell which tourists were lying to him. Now he's a Cornell University psychology professor who studies lying, and his latest work shows that ordinary people are pretty honest in their e-mails, but we can't stop lying when we pick up the telephone. Liars, liars. That's all of us. Hancock gave 30 students the task of tracking their own communications of all types over a one-week period. They also noted down all the lies they told, even the little white ones such as: "Hey, you look good today." The average person told 1.5 to two lies a day, assuming they were truthful in their own notes. That wasn't too surprising, the psychologist says, because lies are often diplomatic ways to smooth over feeling and leave everyone relaxed. Too much unvarnished truth can hurt.
But the intriguing thing was where the students lied. They lied in 14 per cent of e-mails, 21 per cent of instant text messages, 27 per cent of face-to-face conversations but a sky-high 37 per cent of phone calls. Three factors make the phone a terrific weapon of mass deception, Hancock believes:
"Video conferencing has been around for a long time," says Hancock. "It was available in the 1970s in France. But it has never really caught on, and perhaps one reason is we like people not being able to see us." He added: "And it's not that lying is a horrible thing. We do it all the time. It's just that the phone is more comfortable and it gives us more opportunity for lying." Hancock is expanding the study in the hope that he'll learn things of use to law enforcement agencies. What gives away a liar? No single factor, he says, but maybe a lot of little ones. "They use more words, and more third-person pronouns" - he, she and they. "They use more 'sense' words like see, feel, touch, hear - that kind of thing." While working his
summer job with customs, said Hancock, "I was pretty sure that I was
missing a fair bit." But even the seasoned officers never had a "silver
bullet," and he doesn't believe that one exists. The best advice the
veterans could give the rookies was simple, he recalls. "They said:
'Does the story make sense?'"
Beautiful
Women Make Men Stupid
The same test was done with female students who showed no difference in their response between the group viewing the attractive men to those viewing the non-attractive men. The researchers
found that viewing the pictures of attractive women sub-consciously
fired courtship and mating responses in the brain. This became associated
with an immediate need for money, still important in our culture as
part of the courtship ritual. Our book, Emotional Freedom Techniques - EFT - What is it and how does it work? has been selling steadily to people in many parts of the world. This eBook is the third edition of our book, and it has been revised and expanded. We would appreciate hearing your feedback. To preview the book and view sample pages please click here
2005 has sure been a busy year so far! In many ways I felt like a General marshalling her troops and planning all our activities with a military precision. Co-ordinating both our personal and business lives has been quite an adventure lately. The "Lees" schedule included client sessions (in the office and on the phone), Alex visiting special clients in their homes, finishing our EFT eBook, presenting our own seminars, attending the EFT workshop in Bellevue, visiting with Jose from Spain, taking care of our new puppy Ty, making sure big doggie Kaylie was OK with everything, and that going to the "Doggie Hotel" was not really "Doggie Jail" (otherwise known as the kennel). Everything has gone off without a hitch... doggies survived the kennels, all clients were accommodated, we had fun in Bellevue, and it was great to see Jose again. Now things are back to normal, and I'm feeling kind of strange! It's as if a switch has been flipped and all the hustle and bustle has subsided. My friend Tamara wrote in an email the other day that she had just come back from picking tulips from her garden and it was wonderful way to start her day. How many of us do something just for ourselves, especially first thing in the morning, to make ourselves feel good? My guess is... not enough of us! On May 1st the planet Mercury is no longer in retrograde, which means the next few months will have less stress and urgency, for all of us. I haven't decided if I believe in "Mercury is in retrograde" which apparently translates into "Life as we know it is going to hell in a handbasket for a few weeks," but life does seem to be a tad more unpleasant when this happens (about three times per year). For those of you that would like to read about this phenomena just do a search on Google - "Mercury in retrograde" - it's very interesting reading. What I know for sure (to borrow Oprah's saying) is that whenever Mercury is in retrograde, life is more stressful, and some people behave somewhat strangely. But, before you all think I've flipped, or gone over the edge, I find knowing when Mercury is in retrograde is useful for one important reason... when people act strangely, or tell me something horrible is happening to them, I respond with, "Mercury is in retrograde and it will be over on such and such a date, so everything will be fine then." This seems to make people feel better... knowing there is an end in sight, and I feel better 'cause they feel better! As I mentioned earlier, Mercury in retrograde is over and we are now in a time of peace and tranquillity... until July 23rd when it happens again. So, let's make the most of the next few months and take time to enjoy ourselves. Right now, I'm going to watch some more blossoms float through the sky! Till next month,
take care.
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We
Can't Stop Lying... 
The
medium also affected the message: "People lie about their feelings face-to-face.
And they lie about explanations more in e-mail. Forty-three per cent
of the lies students told were e-mails to professors - explanations
like, 'My printer wouldn't work.'"
McMaster
University researchers have proven men can't think straight after just
looking at pictures of attractive women. Male students were shown pictures
of either attractive or non-attractive women, than asked to roll some
dice. When they threw doubles, the men would get a choice of taking
$15 right away, and $35 the next day. Or $50 right away and $75 any
time from one week to eights months from now. The men who had just viewed
the pictures of attractive women were far more likely to take the lesser
sum of money right away.
EFT
eBook is now available!
Berit's
Corner
I'm
standing at the kitchen windows as I write this and I can see the beautiful
pear tree in our backyard. It's a huge tree and right now it is full
of gorgeous pink blossoms. A gust of wind just came up, and the blossoms
are falling gently all over our yard. It's so beautiful and I'm pleased
that I had the time and energy to notice! If it had been last month
I probably wouldn't have. And, I have a feeling that too many of us
get so caught up in our daily "schedules" to take a moment just "to
be." To notice the beautiful world around us, and appreciate it.
For
all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married,
or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about
the next time you open a bottle of wine:
With
a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the
journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with
the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently
at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she
noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
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(C) 2005 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.