Volume 11, No. 11 Christmas 2004 Gifts to Buy For Men Worst Gifts to Give Politically Correct 12 Days of Christmas

The newsletter was all set to go except for Alex's article and Berit's Corner. Alex was going to write some useful hints on how to use EFT and the tapping during the holiday season, and Berit was going to tell you what we'd been up to, and some of our plans for 2005. Then our life was turned upside down, and we started applying EFT to ourselves, and there was no time to write articles. Our dog Lucas (the beautiful White Shepherd we got as a puppy while we were living in Spain) had an acute attack of pancreatitis. Three long days and nights followed where it was touch and go. What could we do to help? Not much, except phone the doctor and ask how Lucas was doing. We're fortunate that we have an excellent veterinarian, and he was doing everything possible to help Lucas. So, we thought we'd better get tapping! We tapped for the fear of losing Lucas, we tapped for any guilt about what we might have done to contribute to this (it turns out we didn't do anything wrong), we tapped on the anger that this was happening to our dog, we tapped for the worry about Lucas surviving and not being healthy… then what would we do, and we also tapped for Lucas. Alex tapped for the pain Lucas was experiencing, the fear Lucas might be feeling of being in a strange place where he couldn't run around and play, and he also tapped for Lucas surviving this, and being healthy. Then Alex tapped for our girl dog Kaylie… tapped for her "parents" acting strangely and tapped for her loneliness, as she'd never spent any time without Lucas by her side. Some of you may think us a bit strange for ascribing human emotions to our dogs, but we know that all you dog lovers out there, will understand.

There was a lot of tapping going on, and it worked! On the third night, Lucas came home… a little wobbly and for once he didn't want to chase balls. Of course, we know that the excellent care provided by our vet helped Lucas get well, but we also like to think the tapping helped too. For those of you that believe in Santa, Christmas and miracles at this time of year, you'll understand when we say, "We got our Christmas present a few days early!" If things aren't going just the way you'd like them to in the next few days… please remember to tap, and who knows… maybe you'll receive a miracle or two, yourselves, during this holiday season! We wish you a truly Merry Christmas And A Happy New Year! Alex and Berit Lees Submitted Anonymously by a Man Sick of Getting Clothes for Christmas Christmas is just around the corner so it's time for me to share some gift ideas for those special men in your life! Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. For that matter any power tool is a good choice. He may not need it, or know what it does, but it will look good hung on the peg board in the garage. Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties and never buy men bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts. Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips. Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer. The worst gifts to give at Christmas... There are many lists of the most popular gifts to give at Christmas, so a Canadian financial institution conducted a survey of the worst gifts to give. Please be warned and do not give any of the following items to anyone on your list, especially if you live in Canada! Here's the top five worst gifts to give: 5. Toiletries 4. Socks 3. Pets 2. Cleaning supplies And the #1 worst gift... Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. We do not stink - we are earthy. Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why. Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. Rule #10: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?" Rule #11: Tickets to a professional sports game (any team within 300 miles) are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Rule #12: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker. Rule #13: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. Rule #14: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. Rule #15: Clamps. Men can never have enough quick grip clamps. No one knows why Rule #16: Buy your man Duct Tape. This is a man's most universal repair tool. All men know, if you can't fix it, duct it. This article was reprinted with permission from a great Christmas website, please visit www.mymerrychristmas.com Why do we keep hearing the same songs over and over again at Christmas time? There are approximately 30 "holiday" songs played on the radio, TV and in public places during the Christmas season, and that means we hear each song about 700 times over the course of the few weeks leading up to Christmas!   The Twelve Days of Christmas... The Politically Correct Version On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed Midwinter Festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, NOTE: After members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised. FOUR hours of recorded whale songs, THREE deconstructionist poets, TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and... ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree. Merry Christmas* Happy Chanukah* Good Kwanzaa* Blessed Yule* Happy Holidays* *Unless otherwise prohibited by law, or of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with the suggestion that you have a Thoroughly Adequate Day!

(C) 2004 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.