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Why
Learn & Apply EFT? Part Three of my continuing articles on EFT and emotions. In the previous article of this series, this statement was made: 80% of all psychological interventions are about helping someone to feel better about some event(s), circumstance(s) or situation(s). Perhaps you may recall banging your finger as a child, and Mom kissing the "owie" or painful spot, and you felt better. This is an example of a psychological intervention. Now, it just wouldn’t do to have Mom rushing into the board room, and kissing the forehead of her executive son, every time he was upset with a production problem. Nor is this a useful strategy in a counselling environment. However, there
are certain acupuncture points on the body, which when tapped with a
finger, accompanied by some words, will accomplish the same thing. In
other words, you are learning about a process, or technique, if you
like, that once learned and applied, will take you so much further along
the road to feel good (also referred to as happiness)
than you ever imagined.
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Let’s start with the why. We are emotive beings. In order to function, first we need to think about what we want to do, and then supply some action, some behaviour, to achieve or accomplish it. The instantaneous emotion evoked, biases the action taken. In other words, emotions influence behaviours. Another way of thinking about this statement is that the specific emotional response limits behaviours and reactions. Let’s use procrastination, by way of example. "He" hasn’t cut the lawn, in spite of numerous reminders. "She" is frustrated. "He" thinks she’s a nag. Pretty soon, friends and neighbours are involved. Someone wants to analyse his childhood. Others offer incentive advice. Maybe a divorce lawyer is consulted. Before we go any further, let’s look at geneses, the root cause of this escalating problem, and do so from an EFT trained point of view. Procrastination is an action, reaction or behaviour to the request "Cut the lawn." More specifically, the request triggers an unwanted feeling, emotion or body response. To avoid the feeling, the person simply deletes the thought of cutting the lawn from awareness, each and every time it’s mentioned. Now, I suppose we could enroll him in the next Procrastination Seminar, but he probably won’t get around to attending it. So, we have an unpleasant emotional response attached to cutting the lawn, thus biassing behaviour. Now then, let’s look at one reason why learning EFT would be useful. Our "practitioner" of EFT walks up to our subject, says a few words, and taps the acupuncture points. About 30 seconds later, the negative or unpleasant feeling about cutting the lawn is gone. The behaviour changes, and everyone is a little happier, or at the very least, moves onto the next problem worth solving. And, that’s only
one reason to learn EFT. There are more reasons to do so, many more,
and we will be exploring them in the next article. The History of Giving the Finger
This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck yew"). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! PLUCK YEW!" Since "pluck yew" is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative "F", and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird." And yew thought yew knew everything! Thanks to two
friends and colleagues - Steve Wells in Australia, who sent this to
Rehana Webster in New Zealand, and she forwarded it to us.
ANSWER: This is an excellent question, and one that affects thousands of families daily. This kind of situation is also applicable to most relationships (husband and wife, child and parent, co-worker and boss, and between friends). The person asking the above question could just as well have said "I keep telling my friend about EFT, and that her she should try it, but she seems resistant. What can I do, because I know it would really help her?" In this instance the question asked has to do with "resistant" teenagers. More often than not, the parent is coming from a place of concern, and usually transmits this state superimposed on the presentation. This place of this state superimposed on the presentation. This "place of concern" is referred to as a reference frame, or values frame. More often than not, the offspring is in a different reference frame, and is therefore using a different criterion of values, than the parent, hence the "lack of hearing," or compliance. By deciding to pay attention to what is important to the child, which is learning the criterion of values the child uses to decide what is being heard is important, the parent learns to present the information in a different way, and the child responds accordingly. The criterion of values is like a set of filters, if the presented information doesn’t fit the filter, nothing gets through. One extremely useful way to learn the particular filters being used, is to pay attention to the objections. More often than not, the verbalized objection will contain words indicating what is important, at that moment, for the child. If the presented information "fits" those values, the information is worth hearing, and more important, acted upon. So, learning to reword useful information (i.e., learn and use EFT) in such a way it "fits" for the recipient is paramount. And that leads us to the last part - timing. If the recipient is in "output" mode, and the parent is as well, we have a mismatch. (Two transmitters, but no receiver.) To borrow from Socrates (who said it best) "In a system, the part with the greatest flexibility most influences the system." A family is a system, so when and where one does the explaining also influences receptivity.
Fathers: The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms. 1. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 2. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks. 3. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced. 4. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. 5. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise. 6. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom. 7. So much
about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure
is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd
have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at
146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized. Seminars
in Europe
Happy Anniversary Reflections! We’re proud to say this is our tenth year of publishing our newsletter and we hope to continue doing so for another ten years. Doing our newsletter is a labour of love for us. We don’t make money from it; it’s free to subscribers. We feel it is important for us to keep in touch with all of you and really appreciate receiving your feedback. When we started this little venture, the only people receiving it were clients and colleagues here in the Vancouver area. We continued sending Reflections to people when we moved to Spain. Those newsletters were a lot of fun to write because it gave us an opportunity to share our new life and adventures in Spain with the people back in Canada. And, what adventures we had! For those of whom might be curious, you can read about our life in Spain on our website at www.DrAlexLees.com/newsletter01.html When we came back to Canada, we entered the Internet age and sent out Reflections by email. Once our website was up and running we started sending it all over the world. It still amazes me that peoples in Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, Africa and the Middle East are reading our newsletter! Last November we took another step and the newsletter became digital. I wonder what form our newsletter will be in the next ten years? Maybe we’ll be sending out a video version... that would be fun! Thank you for subscribing to Reflections and thank you for your kind and generous comments. We hope to continue hearing from you and we look forward to meeting more of you, one day soon. One of the special bonuses of doing Reflections is we get to meet new people through our newsletter. For example, a person from England visited our website, requested the newsletter and also wanted information on our seminars. Her name went on the list. We then sent her information on upcoming seminars and the newsletter, and ended up corresponding by email. One day she saw (in the newsletter or a flyer) a seminar she wanted to attend. She registered for the seminar. We presented the seminar (in Spain) and then got to meet her in person. That’s how we have met many great people at our seminars both here and in Europe. I thank the inventor of the Internet for making all this possible! So, we will continue sending Reflections your way, and look forward to hearing from you in return. Who knows, maybe we will meet each other soon... we’re doing EFT and NLP seminars here in the Vancouver area, and will be heading for Spain and Holland in May... Both are wonderful places to learn EFT! Til next month, take care.
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Before
the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over
the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English
soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the
renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the
future.
QUESTION:
"My biggest hurdle
with EFT is getting permission from my two daughters to use it on them,
or get them to use it. When they were little, and open and trusting
of everything Mommy said, they would have accepted it as easily as they
would have a band aid! Now that they are older and a little stubborn
(where DO they get that from?), most of Mom’s suggestions are met with
a rolling of the eyes! ( Now if a FRIEND suggested it they would jump
all over it!) Do you have any set-up phrases which might work with stubborn
teenagers to increase the likelihood of them using EFT?" 
Berit's
Corner 
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(C) 2004 - Dr. Alexander R. Lees & Associates Inc.