What Causes Low Self Esteem?

by Dr. Alexander R. Lees

As many of you know, I had the pleasure of being interviewed on VoiceAmerica recently, and Dr. Carol Look, the program host, who has an intuitive grasp of her audience’s interests, chose self esteem as the topic for discussion. Her first question, “What causes low self esteem?” was a great place to start, and set the stage nicely for an interview that seemed to flow so smoothly, both of us remarked on how quickly the hour had gone by.

Many thanks to those that listened in, as the flood of emails and phone calls were a delight to receive. A special “Thank You” to Shirley for calling in and providing some very energetic remarks! For those that missed the show, here is a synopsis of the discussion.

To begin with, self esteem is the end result of an evaluation process, over time. This self evaluation will determine the “score” a person assigns to their performance in a variety of circumstances, situations and events they encounter in their daily lives. Self esteem therefore is the end result of self judgment, and in my experience, that judgment and evaluation can be a tad harsh.

Low self esteem, which can be quantified by a variety of tests, is a major factor in weight issues, lack of self confidence, business success (or lack of), and more often than not, is the silent virus that infects relationships. As there is such a long list of books written about the dire consequences of having low self esteem, I won’t dwell on that aspect here, but prefer to guide you in a direction of what can be done about it.

To begin, one needs a clear and reasonably precise understanding of what causes low self esteem in order to do something about it, so let’s start with that.

We think. We think about tons of stuff. One of those “things” we think about is our performance, our reactions in a variety of different situations. These thoughts then turn into chemistry, a language the body can understand. Negative thoughts, especially about self, produce negative signals to the body.

We end up feeling “bad.” Even though feeling bad is really a feedback loop, that is the body in turn signals our awareness about the consequences of these messages, we misconstrue this feedback, and send even more negative signals right back to the body.

One way some find to “feel better,” to interrupt this cybernetic loop is to misuse alcohol (self medicate). Others turn to food. Again, one can continue to dwell on the consequences of low self esteem, or they can loop back to:

Low self esteem is caused by negative thoughts about self over time.

Now, once you do that, then the question becomes, “Okay, what can I do about this habit of beating myself up to the point that I feel bad, uncomfortable, unworthy, non deserving, etc., etc.?” The answer is to cancel the thoughts. Delete them. Stop doing it. Change your mind. Be kinder to YOU.

OK, you might say, and now the question becomes How?

Wait for the drum roll please... and.... Enter EFT!

Begin by setting aside some segment of time daily to evaluate or notice your thoughts, form a sentence that describes the negative thought, and using the setup words, begin tapping the PR point. For example:

“Even though I tell myself I really screwed up (describe situation),

I deeply and completely accept myself.”

Repeat this setup phrase three times.

Then, starting with the eyebrow point, tap each point of the basic recipe using a reminder phrase derived from the problem’s description. Sometimes, you may have to do several rounds on a stubborn negative thought, so perseverance is the key here. Other times, the unwanted thought simply disappears, or is reduced to a level deemed inconsequential. Now move onto the next thought, and so on for the time you feel best. Make this a daily practise, and soon you will begin to enjoy the results of increased self esteem.

Be warned, however. This daily practise will result in a cybernetic loop, that is you will feel better, which gives rise to more pleasant thoughts, which in turn produces more feel better, and you just may put the self help authors out of business!

Of course, they can always switch to writing books about how to be a better servant to your cat, or how to let your dog train you to be a good master, so things will carry on as always. You will just feel better, overall, daily, and enjoying yourself now is a small penalty to pay for all the work you did, isn’t it?