The Doors to Rapport
By Dr. Alexander
R. Lees
As
many of you may be aware, I recently attended the
EFT and Serious Diseases workshop in Bellevue. One
of the things Gary Craig (Founder of EFT) and I
discussed over dinner was the combining of NLP and
EFT. This is the first article where we will explore
combining NLP techniques with the application of
EFT.
One
of the bonuses of learning some NLP is that you
can apply your knowledge to your everyday communications
with loved ones, friends and colleagues, as well
as make your application of EFT even more elegant.
I
have observed many “masters” in the healing professions
at work, and I began to discover certain patterns
exist in their approach, and that learning the patterns
can be similar to discovering there is a map for
the territory, that there are pathways through the
Mindfield. All journeys begin with
a first step, and each step leads to another and
so on, until the journey is completed. The only
variables are when, and how.
To
unpack how they do what they do, I propose
we start by exploring what they do, so that
others can begin to generate their own maps, their
own pathways that lead to elegance. We will discover
on this journey of learning that there are many
parts, or steps along the way. This article will
mention or unpack a few of these for you, and if
the resulting feedback suggests interest, more articles
will follow.
Step
one is Rapport. As a matter of fact, rapport
should be considered a prerequisite. Rapport is
a precursor to trust, or the glue that holds everything
together. Another metaphor for rapport is "The
Golden Thread" that links a conversation together.
Rapport
can be established in a variety of ways. Some books
on the subject advocate matching the other person’s
body language, facial expressions, voice tonality,
rhythm and volume, and word patterns. Any of these
can be combined, or used alone, and once an individual
decides to practise and integrate this ability you
will be surprised and perhaps delighted to discover
how much more easily the conversation can flow.
Here is a short list of examples, just to give you
an idea.
- The person you
are helping speaks in a rhythm, and the rhythm
is in the form of groups of words. Let’s say you
have noticed they tend to group their words (groups
of words are referred to as sentences, for those
that may have forgotten!) by approximately five
or six words.
- The practitioner
would then begin to answer in the same manner,
groups or sentences of five or six words.
- Another example
might be the person’s tone is quite “flat,” or
monotone. The practitioner can adjust their own
delivery to match this tone.
- Still another
example might be the person tends to cross their
legs at the ankles. The practitioner can cross
the arms at the wrists, or cross their legs at
the ankles.
Another
important extension of the concept of rapport is
a process called pacing and leading.
Practising the steps to rapport allows the practitioner
of EFT to enter the client's model of the world
(pacing) more easily, which in turn allows for a
fuller understanding of the problem presented.
Once
this step is achieved, (rapport) the practitioner
would then "test" By offering a solution,
namely tapping "out" the blocking emotion,
or tapping "in" the resource required
(lead).
Pace
and lead is also an excellent way to "test"
for rapport itself. The practitioner can match some
aspect of the client's body language, etc. (pace)
and then subtly adjust the personal physiology or
voice speed, tone or volume, and then notice if
the client also makes an adjustment (leading). If
the client does so, rapport is established. If the
client does not, this is simply feedback for the
practitioner to continue to establish rapport (pacing)
and test again by leading.
Rapport,
pace and lead can also take other forms. For instance,
the practitioner of EFT has been listening to the
client, and then might interject by stating the
problem presented in a succinct form, and then add,
“And I assume this is what you would like to change,”
or any other statement suggesting, “Let’s work on
that.”
If
the client indicates acceptance, rapport, pace and
lead have been successful. If the client answers,
“Yes, but… “ and continues to offer further information,
the practitioner may then decide to pace (listen)
further, and then test again in the same way: Namely
offer a succinct statement referring to the problem,
and another request to begin change work.
The
above is but a small representation of some of those
factors that influence the quality of the delivery
of EFT, and the quality of communication in general.
Hopefully it will allow the curious student to realize
that all communication, and the Art of EFT, have
a structure, and therefore it is learnable
So,
for those that wonder "How do these ‘masters’
do what they do?" please begin to incorporate
the above information into your application of EFT,
and who knows, perhaps one day, others will ask
the same question of you... “How do you do
what you do?” You will also be well on your way
to greatly improving your communication skills.
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